Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares
by Warrayfinson
Summary: SPOILERS FOR 392 AND 416 . With Hinamori fighting for her life in squad 4, the guilt Hitsugaya feels for his actions has not subsided.Will he continue to relive the past in his sleep or is their a way to melt the nightmares away? Hitsuhina, GinxRangiku
1. Chapter 1: Freezing the Heart

**AN: Hey everyone!**

**I present to you my first official BLEACH fanfic (The one shot I did from before, I'm not too sure I'd count it as my first ^^; ). I have a feeling that a lot of the characters are going to be OOC (Out of character) so I'm really sorry in advance -_-; Oh, and there will probably be tons of fluff ahead as well ^^;**

**Anyway, I got this idea while I was listening to 'Broken' by Seether on the way home from school. I hope you enjoy it! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own this copy of Red Alert 2, this copy of The Sims 2, these 2 posters and this timer reading 2 minutes 22 seconds, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH and its characters.**

Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter One: Freezing the Heart**

It was finally done.

And by him, no-less…

Everything was still for a moment. Hitsugaya was tense, in case Aizen had another trick up his sleeve. He breathed slowly, almost stopping and skipping breaths. He waited…for the last breath.

Aizen weakly make an attempt to pull himself off the sword. Hitsugaya's gaze intensified. Before he knew it he pushed the sword slowly deeper into the enemy's chest, burning with pure hatred to the very soul. Aizen's hand fell away and he cursed quietly "…Damn…it…!" Small drops off blood fell from his mouth.

He had a strange feeling course through him. Victory? Pride? Joy? Loss? Relief? A combination of all these things. His thoughts began to speed around in his head. He didn't know what to think. His only thought that made sense to him was...

…that he has killed Aizen…

A former captain.

A traitor.

A man with many masks.

A man of many lies.

Aizen was all these things, and yet they had now _ended_ right here, with Hyōrinmaru stabbed through his chest at the core source of his survival. The heart. But then again, whoever said Aizen had a heart in the first place? From below Hitsugaya heard the cheers and cries of victory. He couldn't help but feel a bit more pride make its way into his system. His thoughts began to slow until they landed on a burning question. No, not a question, person.

_'Momo...'_

How was he going to tell her this? How was she going to cope? Would she… ever forgive him? No, he couldn't focus on this now; not till later, when everything else has been sorted. He knew that it would take a great amount of effort to get her to forgive him; maybe even to the point of nearly getting himself killed. Even if it came to that he was willing. He'd be willing to do anything to make her forgive him and to cope…with this lose. Hitsugaya would find a way for her to cope. A safe, harmless way to cope. This he knew, and this was what he was determined to do…

Some panicked cries came from down below. They sounded like they were coming from Izuru and Tetsuzaemon. Before he could look down he heard another voice from a distance. This voice sounded confused and almost disturbed. It was yelling at him. This voice that was yelling at him…he knew something was wrong.

_'Ichigo'_

"…Guys! What the hell are you doing?"

He blinked.

A quick, innocent movement of his eyelid that…made his whole world suddenly come _crashing_ down.

His eyes widened in absolute horror.

He stopped breathing.

He heard the shocked cries and apologizes of Hyōrinmaru in the back of his head.

And for the first time in his life, he felt…cold.

Pierced on the blade he held in his hands was…

"Hi…Hinamori…?" He could barely get her name past his lips. He felt as though he was being suffocated, the pain made its way to his face. He refused to believe what he was seeing, yet she wouldn't disappear from his sight no matter how many times he blinked.

Everything around him vanished. He became deaf to every sound around him. Everything was so cold, but the blood was freezing. The blood that dripped off Hyōrinmaru. The blood that was on his cheek. With that thought he choked. _This blood, her blood…_ Her blood was on his hands.

He closed his eyes tightly. _This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real…This can't be REAL!_ He opened them again only to see her still there.

The sword still in her, Hitsugaya pulled her to him and cradled her to his chest. Ice smashed around him, shards falling and shattering as the fell to the city below. So many emotions ran through him, but he was too shocked to recognize them.

She looked so lifeless. Her skin was so pale, and it kept getting paler. A small stream of blood flowed from her mouth. Her hair was a mess and damp with sweat. She struggled to breathe. Her eyes found his but they were not the eyes he was use to. There was no honey in the chocolate brown. There was no shine. There was no _Momo_ in them. They were flat, pained, dead eyes. They questioned him and accused him. Hinamori slowly rested her head on him her eyes unmoving. She looked at him in such pain.

He felt light headed then, but yet there was a massive weight in his chest and in his limbs. He felt his stomach was in his throat, he couldn't talk or make a sound. He just looked at her in shock.

The girl opened her mouth to speak, but more blood splattered out and she coughed violently. Hitsugaya watched in horror as she kept trying to speak. Then, once the coughs died down, in a quiet, hoarse, weak whisper her voice emerged. "…Shiro…chan…"

His eyes widened in fear. Her voice was so weak, scarcely a whisper. He found his lungs stopped working. The last word she whispered made his blood frozen under his skin. "…why?"

She started to slip off Hyōrinmaru. More blood came as she fell off the captain's sword and plunged through the sky.

Hitsugaya shook.

His whole body shook.

His chest was in agonizing pain.

He felt the shock subside and all the emotion take over him.

The pain and anguish overwhelmed him.

He couldn't take it anymore!

He let out an agonized cry of raw emotions. The emotions of loss, pain, disbelief, rage, sadness and horror coursed through him causing his face to display his absolute despair and terror. His sanity was shredding to pieces every second. He felt his lungs were on the brink of exploding. Every bone in his body felt like it was going to break, and every muscle clenched painfully. His mind went blank.

But the worst pain was in his chest. His throbbing heart. It was ripping and imploding with pain. The slow, unbearable pain felt like it lasted for an eternity until only a fraction of his sanity was left remaining.

The dark clouds of pain cleared.

His enraged thoughts caused him to look in the direction of the man who had caused all of this.

He clenched his teeth tightly together.

He had so many ideas on how he was going to kill this man.

So many painful, torturous ideas…

"AIZEN!" his raged voice yelled through his teeth.

His rage and insanity took over; blinding him and making him lunge towards the enemy. He felt his reitsu wildly burst out of him. His rage deafened him to call of his name, or to the others around him. He didn't see the smirk on Aizen's lips or when he flash stepped towards him.

He came to a sudden, forceful stop.

Blood filled his vision.

He was falling.

It took a long moment before he realised what had happened or the pain in his left side. His eyes widened. He quickly glanced around to see that his fellow comrades had also been slashed by Aizen.

"I will not kill you." He heard Aizen say.

His eyes went to his left trying to see Aizen. He briefly glanced at his left and was shocked to see that his left limbs had been completely sliced off. He thought, due to his rage, that it was only a cut, but now that he saw with clear eyes it shocked him.

His mouth tried to word a threatening sentence but the words didn't come forth.

"For beings of your strength," he heard him continue "I would imagine it's a difficult task to lose one's consciousness even with wounds such as those. So therefore...You are to watch this battle unfold, and it's outcome."

Hitsugaya plunged to the ground with the others. Small drops of blood spilled from his wounds. It took him only moments to collide with the ground. Debris flew up as his back crashed into the rubble of a building. His bankai shattered into thousands of ice shards. He was completely numb to the pain. He didn't notice what was happening around him. He didn't notice the pillar of fire as Yamamoto emerged to challenge Aizen, or the battle between them, or when he was defeated.

The battle between Ichigo and Gin.

When Isshin came on to the scene.

When Urahara made his entrance.

Aizen's transformation.

When Aizen left with Gin after cutting down Yoruichi and Urahara.

When Ichigo and his father pursued after him.

He didn't notice any of it. He lay there, arms outstretched, eyes on the sky. His mind was completely blank; everything had disappeared from existence. Hyōrinmaru desperately called to him but he ignored him. He was so numb...so very numb. He couldn't get the image out of his head. The image of...

...Hinamori looking at him, questioning him, and then falling away, but still reached for him as she fell...

He barely sensed her reiatsu. He knew what this meant. With a new determination coursing through him, and despite the pain, he began to crawl. He followed her fading spiritual pressure. His mind became drenched in so many frightful thoughts. '_Hinamori...why did this happen?'_

He bit his lip as he started to feel tears sting his eyes. '_No, not now!'_ Yet his thoughts continued. '_Hinamori... I'm no better than _him._ He stabbed you in the heart, betrayed you and cut you open. Isn't that what I just did? I'm a murderer; I'm no different from him! I couldn't protect you. I...I killed you...'_

His eyes found her. 

_'Aren't I supposed to be some kind of child prodigy?'_

He crawled towards her limp, broken body. 

_'I can so just about anything, but I can't protect you? If I can't do that, I. Am. NOTHING!'_

He stopped. 

_' Why?'_

He clenched his fist.

_'Why?'_

He felt the confusion and heartbreak crease his distraught face. 

_'WHY?'_

The tears fell and sobs wrecked throughout his body. "I couldn't do it! I couldn't protect you!Despite my efforts I couldn't protect you in the end...I failed. I failed to protect you...and so...I can never forgive myself. You'll never forgive me. Please, please, please forgive me!"

She was fading faster. His eyes widened. "I'll do anything to keep you alive!" he cried, his voice raspy "You have to believe me, please! You want to take my life, take it all! Take as much as you want! Just please...please live!"

He fell on his back, tears falling, body numb. He turned his head towards her, his hand reached out desperately to her. No! He couldn't now...He had to get to her before it was too late. If he could transfer some of his spiritual power and to her and perform some kind of kido spell she might have a chance.

Suddenly black covered his vision. Footsteps surrounded him. He panicked "What? What's going on?"

"Quickly, he might not last much longer!" For a brief second he became disorientated. His eyes quickly caught glimpse at one of the faces he knew. '_Fourth squad...Fourth squad? Good, they can -!'_

"Five of you remain here with me, the rest of you attend to Soifon and the other captains, help out Isane!" the leader ordered. They followed his orders quickly running from Hitsugaya's view. '_Thank god...wait!'_

"No wait, stop! Help her first, help her first!" he cried desperately, realising that he hadn't mentioned Hinamori. They seemed to ignore him and continued to use their kidō on him. He began to feel faint his eyes wishing to close. _No, I can't...Not now!...I...have to-_

"...Hitsugaya-tachio is far too important to the Soul Society, it is essential that we save him. If only we had more squad members down here we could cover more area..." he heard the leader whisper to another comrade. Hitsugaya got the impression that they thought he couldn't hear them. But he _did_ hear them, every word...

"What about the girl?" he whispered back.

"Judging from her spiritual pressure...sadly, she probably won't make it. That cut in her chest looks-"

"Then let me heal her-"

"No! We can't afford to lose Hitsugaya-taicho! If we-"

_'No, no, no, no ,no NO!' _"MOMO!"

* * *

His eyes snapped open.

He flung forward.

Connections, wires and tubes flew around him.

His eyes were blurry. He gasped for air frantically.

Something was stuck around his nose and mouth.

Sweat dripped down his face and formed on his hands.

His skin felt cold. His vision cleared...and around him he saw his surroundings.A room of the fourth division barracks. Small, white streams of light leaked into the room through the curtain-drawn windows. He looked down at himself seeing the many thin tubes attached to his body. He reached up to take away what was around in mouth and nose. Both hands came up. He was shocked when he was his left hand. He looked along his left side seeing it completely intact, as if he'd never lost his limbs. He saw the scar that ran down his side where the robe exposed his skin.

He began to think that the events of before were a dream, but reality quickly put him back in his place.

"Hitsugaya-taicho?"

He looked to the doorway in surprise. Unohana stood there looking relieved. She smiled as she walked up to his bed side. "I'm glad to see you have awakened. You're recovery was quicker than I had expected, however I suggest that you get more rest..."

When he tried to talk his voice was muffled.

Unohana reached forward. "I'll only take the mask off for a few seconds, alright?" She gently removed the mask from his face. He tried to keep his emotions hidden but they betrayed him. He looked at her with almost pleading eyes, wanting to know only one thing. In his weak voice he asked "Hinamori...Is she...okay?"

Unohana looked away. She carefully put the mask back on again but remained where she was. Her eyes slowly looked back to him, sorrow evident in her kind eyes.

"I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-taicho..."

**Second chapter should be out soon, depending on school and stuff like that. I hope you like it so far, I know this was just basically a rewrite of chapter 392 (*cries*). **

**If you have time reviews are greatly appreciated :D **

**Thank you for reading! Keep Writing! ;) **

**-Warrayfinson**


	2. Chapter 2: Frozen Time

**AN: Hey everyone!**

**As promised here is chapter 2 :) I'd like to thanks j cloud xD, Richasa, and applestoapples for their reviews, they made my day.**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter! :D**

**DISCLAIMER: I own this tooth pick, this weird mood I'm in, these PJ's I have gotten changed into, this apple, this keyboard and this USB, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH and its characters.**

Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter Two: Frozen Time**

_A week later…_

'_Finally!'_

Rangiku sighed in relief as she finished her signature on the last paper. She added it to the pile of papers carefully. Her hand lingered on the paper for quick moment before she withdrew it away. It felt somewhat strange to be doing the paperwork. Usually by now she'd be drinking herself stupid and then prancing into the office at an unbelievable hour, and immediately receive either a complaint or a sarcastic remark from her captain who was sitting at his desk scribbling away at the piles of paperwork.

She leaned back in her chair, her grey eyes wondered towards the captain's desk.

He wasn't there…like he hadn't been for the past week.

This was why she was here, doing the paperwork and not out drinking with friends. However she didn't hate it at all. In fact she was kind of glad she stayed behind to do the work. Who else would? It was her job after all. If this would help speed up the process of her captain's recovery, then she'd do it.

The lieutenant knew of his current whereabouts. He was in his room, with no light on and just lying there facing the wall. She checked up on him every day and brought him something to eat.

He never ate what she brought.

He never moves.

He never talks to her.

He never even _looks_ at her.

He stared at the wall with his tired, lifeless eyes. That was how Rangiku saw his eyes. Lifeless. They had changed. They once beamed with such a proud turquoise and managed to glaze over his true emotions. They were cold and steely to those he didn't know, but when they stared at Rangiku they were a little more relax. But she could never evoke the emotions out of them like…_she_ could. Whenever they were together she could see that he'd drop the guard in his eyes and they'd show true emotions. Some of them, unspoken and unseen to _her_, others, all too evident to _her_.

Now…they changed. The turquoise was a dull colour, the shines did not reach his eyes, the edges were widened as if still in shock, and they showed the raw and unexplainable emotions that coursed through his veins. They were dead, lifeless, gone…

Everything else about him had changed too. His hair was messy and unruly, his skin was a ghostly-pale shade, he'd lost some weight, and there were dark bags under his wide eyes.

She knew why he didn't sleep. Or at least…half. Sometimes while she tried to sleep she heard him screaming. At first she'd think it was only her imagination, but it kept getting louder and louder until realization would dawn on her. He'd stop after a few minutes, but last night he kept going. She ran into his room forced him to wake up. But as soon as his eyes snapped open his reitsu went sky high. The whole room around her froze as she backed away. She ran out of the room to get help but as she ran further his reitsu started to decrease. Then as she stopped, and it was gone. She hadn't been that far away either.

Scared of going back in she calmly went back to her quarters and quickly got dressed. She then flash-stepped to the fourth division and was surprised to see Unohana still awake in her office. She explained what happened and the fourth division captain said she'd go check up on him in the morning.

This morning as she made her way to the office, a hell butterfly sent her the message that her captain was allowed recovery leave for a few weeks, orders from Yamamoto.

Hitsugaya himself probably received the news this morning as well.

She closed her eyes sadly. '_Please get well soon, taicho…'_

The door slid open.

Her eyes snapped open in surprise.

The sight before her shocked her, causing her to stand up. "What? T-Taicho? What are you…?"

Hitsugaya ignored her and went straight to his desk, where there was another pile of paperwork lay waiting to be signed. He sat down, took the first sheet from the stack and began working on the paper.

"Taicho, that's my job!" she said running to his desk. He ignored her and continued working. However, she didn't give up. "Didn't you receive the news this morning? You have permission for recovery leave for nearly a month or so.. Are you even-?"

"Aren't you supposed to be out drinking somewhere?" Rangiku was so surprised by the question she almost fell over. If Hitsugaya hadn't been the way he is, she would have jumped up and down in excitement and hugged him as she ran out to the nearest bar with Hisagi and Kira.

"What are you talking about? Because you're _supposed_ to be recovering I have to do the paperwork." _'I really don't mind, just as long as you recover'_ was what she wanted to add, but kept it silent.

"I don't need to recover, I'm fine. Just go already…" His voice was so low it was almost a mummer.

Unable to find a response she began to walk away, but she thought of a way to get him away from work. However, she said it before thinking "I'm going to go visit _her_. She could use some new flowers; the old ones are probably wilted by now."

He went rigid hearing '_her_'. However, Rangiku continued solemnly, again without thinking, "Maybe you should come along too. She'd love to hear from you…"

She saw the sadness reach her taicho's face. She fully turned around and slammed her hand on the desk, leaning forward and exclaiming "When are you going to realize that it wasn't your fault? When? She would have never blamed you so when…!"

She trailed off, realizing what she had said. _'Oh no, what have I done?'_

It was too late.

He glared at her. His eyes burned with a hidden sadness and anger. He was silently telling her '_Get out before I freeze you…'_

Feeling the temperature drop in the room Rangiku quickly exited the room. As soon as she closed the door the lieutenant felt that she was going to collapse. But instead she ran, ran to the fourth division.

Suddenly she remembered what her original intentions were. She stopped noticing she was now in courtyard of the tenth division.

'Okay, calm down, Rangiku,' she told herself. 'Just go get some flowers , visit her, and then go to Unohana to tell her...'

* * *

"Hello Hinmaori" Rangiku said smiling sadly. "It's been about a week now, hasn't it?"

She suddenly felt awkward. The sounds, the smells, everything...just felt strange to be around, and the factshe didn't receive a reply. A breeze passed through blowing her hair back gently. She looked down sadly, the smile disappeared. Rangiku knew she wouldn't talk back.

She reached for the vase of flowers, seeing that they had wilted. She removed them from the vase and began to arrange the flowers she had brought. As she arranged the ___chrysanthemums_she continued "I know that taicho would've wanted to come to see you. It's just...he isn't taking this as well as any of us are. Wait, what am I saying? Sorry, this isn't the sort of thing to talk about…" She trailed off.

"Good to see you, Matsumoto-fukutaicho" Unohana greeted with a smile.

Rangiku turned surprised by the captain's presence. She smiled faintly. Unohana could see the lieutenants solemn eyes with her face twisted into different emotions. The captain recalled seeing a similar expression on a certain white haired captain…

* * *

"_I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-taicho…but Hinamori-fukutaicho has fallen into a fatal state. We are trying our best to heal her, but she could-"_

"_No!" He tore the mask away and the tubes and connection. Unohana roughly grabbed his arms away trying to hold him down. He kicked and screamed trying to break free of her grasp. She heard some of the members of the fourth division rush to her aid and helped her hold down the captain. She began to murmur a kido, but then was overwhelmed by a massive reitsu. She was so overwhelmed that she let go of the unstable captain. Her subordinates collapsed at the high reitsu._

_A white flash passed her and sped off out of the room. She ran after Hitsugaya. As she neared the door she felt the spiritual pressure lessen. By the time she had reached him it was almost unnoticeable. He was kneeling on the floor, one hand clutching his chest, where his heart beat wildly, while the other scraped against the wall, trying to find some means of support. He loudly gasped for air. _

_Unohana quickly conjured the kido she had tried to use before to knock him out. He collapsed once she had finished. He was in a light sleep. Quickly and gently, she and her subordinates lifted him back to his bed and rearranged everything._

* * *

"Will she be okay?"

The question knocked her out of the flashback and back into reality. "Sorry?"

"Last time you said she was put into a fatal state, but will she be okay now?" Rangiku said solemnly.

Unohana joined Rangiku at looking over the unconscious girl. "The fellow division members and I healed her, but I can't predict when she will wake up. She shouldn't be in any danger of dying, we've made sure of that."

Rangiku was relieved to hear the news. This brought some ease to her mind, but not all of it…

"How has Hitsugaya-taicho been since I last saw him?" Unohana asked.

The lieutenant sighed sadly. "Not good. He was granted captain's leave, but he came into the office this morning and started doing what he usually does."- _'my paperwork…'_ –"I tried to convince him to go back to his room, but he refused. I…I don't know what I should do."

She looked to the captain, helpless.

Unohana looked back at her with kind and concerned eyes. "It might be best to let this happen. While I would prefer him to recover and get lots of rest, sometimes doing his captain duties can serve as a good distraction from the present circumstances. But it can also stress him, so don't let him do too much for if he wants to."

Rangiku nodded slowly.

"Unohana-taicho! Taicho!" came a call from outside the room. Both women turned toward Hanataro, who looked panicked. He gasped and panted for air "Down the hall…Need…help!"

"Excuse me, Rangiku-fuktaicho, I should tend to this." And with that Unohana and Hantaro were gone down the hallway.

Rangiku turned her attention back to the girl. Her thoughts went back to her captain…and _him_. She has to go visit _him_ again very soon. It felt strange when he came to mind. She'd tried to suppress the pain so she could focus on helping her captain…but it tugged on her heart still.

She wiped the tear that fell from her eye. "please wake up soon, Hinamori…"

**Well, don't know when chapter three will be out, but I can say it'll be a lot sooner because I finish school tomorrow :D Sorry fr allthe speeling and grammar mistakes Anyway, catch later!**

**If you have time reviews and comments are greatly appreciated!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Keep Writing!**

**-Warrayfinson**


	3. Chapter 3: Frozen Face

**AN: Hello everyone!**

**Thank to everyone who reviewed last time, you guys made my day! :D Sorry this took so long to get out; my internet went down for a couple of days. Anyway, so here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy it!**

**WARNING: There is some violence in this chapter, might be a bit much for some people.**

**ALSO: I recommend listening to sad music, like stuff form Evanescence, particularly 'October' and 'Anywhere'.**

**Disclaimer: I own this cheese sandwich, this cup of milk, this timer, these 3D viewing glasses, this pencil, this piece of paper and that poster of a grim reaper on my door, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH and its characters.**

Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter Three: Frozen Face**

Hitsugaya began to write his signature on the last page. His hand ached from the writing he had done on the other pages of paperwork. All he did was write the same thing over and over again, or so that's how it felt.

Finishing his signature, he stood up and added it to the pile on Matsumoto's desk. He looked to where she would usually be. On the couch, lazing around with a bottle of sake in her hand and saying strange gibberish. He frowned remembering what he had done before. He was starting to regret it now…no, he wasn't. It's what she usually did, right? Always out with friends, getting drunk, why wasn't she doing that in his absence?

Seeing that there was nothing else to do, the white haired captain decided to train in the training grounds. As he made his way there he saw the stares he got from his division members. Some looked bewildered, others sympathetic, and a few turned to each other trying look as though they were occupied. Soon he heard quiet mummers running throughout his division.

He stopped at the front entrance, hearing what some of them were saying:

"I heard he hasn't eaten in days, and did you see the way he walked down the hallway, it's like he's a zombie."

"I could barely even sense his reitsu, what does this mean?"

"Anyone know why he's like this?"

"It's because Hinamori-fukutaicho from the fifth division…"

"What? Are you sure, why would worry over that piece of trash?"

"I don't know, but they've had a history together. Practically everyone knows about it-"

Hitsugaya couldn't contain his anger any longer. "Do you mind?"

The mummers extinguished, not a sound could be heard. A cold pause passed, and Hitsugaya was gone. No longer wishing to train in the division training grounds he went outside of the Seireitei towards the mountains.

The only sound he heard when he got there was the wind passing through the mountains and valleys. It calmed him down from the previous incident in his divison. He came to a small area in a valley between two mountains. He looked down towards the Soul Society. It was only a few specs of white in the distance to him. He closed his eyes and turned his back on the place. He took in a deep breath and unsheathed Hyōrinmaru. His eyes snapped open and he began slashing his sword through the air. He started off with the basics but slowly began to make more advanced attacks. Soon he was jumping off the rock walls of the valley slashing through the air and dodging invisible 'attacks'.

He pushed off the wall of the valley about to strike a large rock, pretending it was his opponent. Mid-air he started to activate his bankai. "Bankai! Daigur-!"

'_...Shiro...chan...'_

His eyes widened, and he lost concentration.

'_...why...?'_

His skull hit the rock and Hyōrinmaru went flying away from his hand. The sword skidded away from its wielder. Ice shattered everywhere.

Pain coursed through his system, mostly in his head. As he tried to push himself off the rock and toppled on to the ground. He fell on his side, unable to move. He breathed heavily trying to move. He looked to where Hyōrinmaru lay.

_Her_ voice echoed around in his head.

'_Shiro...chan...why...?'_

'_No, stay out! Not now...!'_ he mentally cried. He'd tried to forget her words, her face that day. But both seemed to stick in his mind, no matter how hard he tried to banish them. He didn't want to see her dying, he wanted...

Fatigue took over, and he felt his system starting to shut down. He closed his eyes, the pain smothering away, far away...

...everything was black and silent...

"Taicho! Taicho, are you all right?"

Hitsugaya's eyes snapped open at the voice.

He found the energy to lift his head to his caller. "M...Matsumoto?"

She stood over him looking worried. "What are you doing out here, taicho? What happened?"

He hauled himself up, ignoring Rangiku's offer to help him. He stood up looking at her. "I'm fine, I just...Wait, what are you doing out here? How did you find me?"

Rangiku went from worried to urgent. "I asked the division where you'd gone but they didn't know. Then I sensed you and Hyōrinmaru's reitsu and found you here unconscious. But, I came to tell you...Hinamori's woken up."

His eyes widened significantly.

He felt his face pale.

'_She's...awake?'_ He looked away from his lieutenant.

Rangiku continued "...and she's calling for you. You have to go to her, taicho!"

Hitsugaya looked at Rangiku, his eyes telling her he needed guidance. Rangiku was shocked to see how vulnerable he looked. What was he to do? Go to Hinamori's side? He couldn't, she wouldn't ever forgive him for what he did...but she was calling for him. Why would she want to see him, of all people? After what he-

"Taicho, go..." Rangiku's voice was quiet but serious. He saw she had Hyōrinmaru in her hand. She offered his zanpukto back, but he stepped away. Suddenly she grabbed his shoulder. "Go, she needs you! Please, go!"

He was surprised by his lieutenant's determination and eagerness. He took in a deep breath and gave her a firm nod. He took Hyōrinmaru off her and sheathed the sword back into place. As Rangiku released his shoulder, he had flash-stepped away. He was practically a blur as he ran through the Soul Society to the fourth division. He slammed the main doors aside, almost breaking them off the hinges. He was amazed by the urgency and desperation that over took him. But why was he feeling like this? Was it because she was awake? Or was he desperate to be redeemed of his 'crime'?

He halted when he came to her room. He suddenly felt lead weights in his limbs. Could he go through with this? He'd come this far hadn't he? And by now she'd sensed his reitsu. Taking a deep breath, the white haired captain opened the door and stepped inside...

"Shiro...Shiro-chan?"

He felt the weights get heavier. His heart started pounding wildly. He hadn't realised he stopped breathing...

...there she was. She stood there, by the window, looking at him as if she'd seen a ghost. Tears filled her wide eyes. "It...it really is...I...Toshiro!"

And then the next thing he knew she was wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. He was too shocked to hug back, but he felt the weights disappear in his limbs, and a peaceful, calming warmth fill him instead. He got the strength to hug her back. "Hinamori..."

"Shiro..I'm...-I'm..." She started to sob. Tears came falling down her face. Hitsugaya was tempted to pull away and wiped her tears away, but he resisted the thought. "I t-though t...that you were dead!"

He didn't know how to reply back to her, but yet the words seemed to make their way to his lips without him knowing it. "I'm so sorry...I had no idea I'd cause you so much pain."

She smiled. "It's all right. Just knowing that you're alive...is enough for me."

This time, he had control over his words. "Hinamori, I...There's been something I have to tell you. I-"

In a flash his hand reached for Hyōrinmaru and unsheathed it.

'_What...what am I doing?' _his mind screamed. He tried to stop his hand, but it act as if it had a mind of its own.

It plunged forward...

...and her tears stopped.

Blood poured out from the wound onto the hilt of the sword and his hand. _'What...What have I done?'_ His heart stopped, his face paled,sweat started to form on hisforhead, and his limbs had the whole weight of the world in them.  
Suddenly, Hitsugaya didn't see his reflect in her fading eyes. He saw someone else. Someone who grinned back at him in victory.

Hianmori looked at him in confusion, shock and as if she was heart-broken. "A...Aizen-taicho?"

He looked behind, but he wasn't there.

He came to the grim realisation...

His lungs stopped working.

He was suffocating for air, and for the words to come out of his throat, the desperate pleas. "NO, I'M NOT HIM! I'M NOT THAT MONSTER! HINAMORI, I DIDN'T MEAN TO, HE TRICKED ME!"

"What have you...done? Why...How could you? I...I..." She fell of Hyōrinmaru, hitting the floor with a loud 'thud'. Her blood started to pool around her. Hitsugaya dropped Hyōrinmaru and ran over to Hinamori. His eyes caught on the image in her blood. His realisation...had been correct. _He_ was Aizen...

The red image that reflected back at him showed the same grin as it had in her eyes. His hands slowly came up to his face, covered in blood. The panic and trauma filled his system. He let out a ferrous scream. His hands started clawing at his face, as if trying to remove a hideous mask. The reflection did the same, but it didn't change the face.

"... You are no different from me, Toshiro..."

He stopped, looking at the reflection. Aizen started laughing at him. Suddenly the blood was dripping from his hands, over flowing. He looked at the dead face of Hinamori and screamed.

* * *

He lunged forward, in the same motion he snapped his eyes open.

He panted heavily.

His head throbbed in pain.

His vision became blurred. His hands quickly wiped to the blur away. He blinked, now able to see...

...rain, and the valley.

Realisation came to him, and he didn't know how to feel. _'It was just a dream...'_

His head was racing, but he felt a small ounce of relief make its way to his system. He was still in the valley, only now it was raining heavily, dark storm clouds flew overhead, no light escaped from the clouds. It was a miserable scene, one that reflected the captain's inner emotions very well. At first he wasn't able to move, but then he stood up from his sitting position. His clothes clung to him and mud caked his haori. His hair was drenched. He had a small cut just above his eyebrow that was bleeding.

He didn't care.

He was too depressed and miserable to care...

...about anything.

In the distance he saw Hyōrinmaru. He heard his voice calling for him in the back of his mind. He trudged towards the zanpukto. Mud squelched under his feet, the rain came down heavier, and the skies seemed to darken even more. He slipped and fell to the side. Luckily the captain's hand went out and stopped him from falling over completely. He stood up again and kept going towards Hyōrinmaru. It was not long before he slipped again, this time unable to stop himself from falling.

With a frustrated cry, he got up and ran to his sword. His head was at him again, but he ignored the pain and kept running. His foot slipped under him and he was sent flying forward into the mud. His body skidded along roughly, slowing down after an agonising minute, and eventually coming to a stop. His entire body was in pain. He felt scratches all over his arms and the side of his face.

He didn't move, he couldn't move...

...nor did he want to.

The rain fell harder on him, penetrating his skin like bullets.

In the back of his head, he heard the concerned voice of Hyōrinmaru. Hitsugaya looked to the side to see that the sword wasn't far away from him. His hand automatically reached out and grabbed the hilt. He pulled the sword to him, and then stabbed it in the ground giving him a boost up. Still holding onto the hilt he managed to kneel in front of Hyōrinmaru. Mud now caked the side of his head and the whole front of his clothes. A brief image flashed in his mind. He looked at Hyōrinmaru and the image became clearer. It was so shocking the he let go of the hilt and hauled himself away from the zanpukto.

_She looked so lifeless. Her skin was so pale, and it kept getting paler. A small stream of blood flowed from her mouth. Her hair was a mess and damp with sweat. She struggled to breathe. Her eyes found his but they were not the eyes he was use to. There was no honey in the chocolate brown. There was no shine. There was no _Momo_ in them. They were flat, pained, dead eyes. They questioned him and accused him. Hinamori slowly rested her head on him her eyes unmoving. She looked at him in such pain._

He looked at Hyōrinmaru again. The image came again and put an arm in front of his face trying to block it. He couldn't look at his sword now...without seeing her.

He lifted his head to the skies. The rain washed away some of the mud and blood in his hair, on his arms and on his face, but it couldn't wash away the feeling he had coursing through him. He was drained, angry, depressed and traumatized. What kind of emotion would sum that up in one word? Misery? Anguish? Sorrow? No, none of those fitted the emotion correctly...

He was pathetic.

He couldn't fight, he couldn't think properly, he _really_ was pathetic. He couldn't even hold his zanpukto without seeing the past events!

He didn't deserve anything.

He didn't deserve to grow up with a loving grandmother.

He didn't deserve to be the captain of the tenth division.

He didn't deserve to have a friend like Rangiku...

And he definitely didn't deserve to have Hinamori.

Not after...what he did. Not anymore, because he was no different from the first monster that betrayed her. He really was no different. He had stabbed her exactly where _he_ had stabbed her. He felt barely any remorse when he thought he had stabbed Aizen, but then the horrible truth was relieved, that he had killed _her_, and he regretted being so heartless

His emotion couldn't take it anymore. He sobbed and tears started to fall. The rain came down even harder, almost like hail. He doubled over; his hands clutched his sides and he bowed his head to the ground. He couldn't stop the tears falling. He tried to listen to Hyōrinmaru's comforting words, but only found that he was pushing the voice away. He silenced the voice with one thought. One thought that he believed to be so true that his heart wrenched.

'_I am no different from him ...I'm as cold as ice...'  
_

**Hmm, not really happy with this chapter :( Oh well, hope you guys liked it though :D**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated if you have time!**

**Keep writing!**

**-Warrayfinson**


	4. Chapter 4: Frozen Remorse

**AN: Hey everyone!**

**Thank to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, greatly appreciated as always! :D I just watched episode 292 and I was so stunned at the end of it. Remember when Aizen talked about hatred and Hitsugaya said he wasn't worthy of being a captain (chapter 389)? Well, in the anime, when he mention Hinamori he had flashbacks of when she arrived in Fake Karurakra Town and when Aizen stabbed her and you could totally see how pissed off he was getting. I was like 'GO TOSHIRO, GO!' But then I went 'Wait, no! Stop before it's too late! You're about to stab-'**

**And then I was interrupted by a sock flung in my general direction.**

**And just a few days ago I watched episode 293...and was devastated and crying. It's the animated version...of chapter 392 *cries* And you know what's weird...It's episode 293, right? What do you get when you reverse 293? You get 392...I'm paranoid, I know ^^;  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I own this orange juice, this sore throat, this head ache, this running nose, this clock which says it's 8:16 PM, this Beanie Kids Ruler and this piece of gum, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH and it's characters.**

Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter Four: Frozen Remorse**

Rangiku ran back to the tenth division barracks. She used her scarf to cover her head from the rain. It just started raining so suddenly, but Rangiku already knew the answer. It could only be her captain. How else would a storm appear out of nowhere? Thunder roared in the distance bringing the lieutenant's focus back on reaching her division.

As she neared the barracks she could feel her captain's reitsu. She didn't know whether to think of it as a good thing or a bad thing, but judging from the current weather, it was a bad thing. She opened the main doors with haste and looked at the scene behind the doors. Her entire division stood in the huge hall space. They all turned to her with pleading looks.

"Oh, Matsumoto-fukutaicho!"

"Thank goodness you've come back!"

"Please help us!"

She frowned. "What's going on?"

A woman spoke up. "It's Hitsugaya-taicho. He came back not long ago, about fifteen minutes after this wild weather began. He didn't say anything and just went to his quarters. Concerned, we went to check up on him and…he nearly killed us! He's out of control, fukutaicho! Please you have to-!"

"Alright, calm down," Rangiku sternly said. "I'll go see what I can do…"

The lieutenant ran to Hitsugaya's bedroom as fast as she could. She stopped in front of his door sense the reitsu becoming more intense. It was cold, very cold. Rangiku shivered but breathed in and knocked on the door. "Taicho? Taicho, can I come in?"

She received no response. The reitsu decreased the slightest amount, but that wasn't good enough for her. She slid the door open. "I'm coming i…"

She trailed off.

Her breath got caught in her throat.

It was dark but a bolt of lightning struck, lighting up the room for the briefest second.

It was she need to see the state of his rom.

Furniture was turned over and some was even broken.

His futon was shredded.

Some small icicles hung off the broken wood and furniture.

Her captain rested on an overturned set of draws, hunched over the edge.

She rushed over, seeing on closer inspection it was just his haori. It was caked in mud and ripped at the edges. Another lightning bolt lit up the room and something caught her eye in the corner. She turned her head towards the standing figure.

Her eyes widened.

She almost fell over at the sight.

"...T-Taicho?"

His skin was so pale that she could see the veins under his skin. His hair was wild and unruly. Patches of mud caked the side of his head. A small cut dented in his skin above his eyebrow with a small trail of blood. His hands had splinters of wood in them. But these things weren't what struck her the most.

Another bold of lightning…

...and her worst fears were confirmed.

His eyes...were insane. They were wide, glazed, unseeing to reality, dull...insane. His eyebrow twitch at the sight of her. Rangiku tried to speak, but no words came. She tried again, but still no words.

Her captain stepped towards her.

The room suddenly got colder.

She heard the rain pour down heavily outside.

She found her voice, but it came out quiet, just above a whisper. "Taicho...what are you doing? What happened? Why is your room trashed?"

He stopped staring at his lieutenant. He was right next the window. Rangiku quickly glanced seeing that the rain outside closest to the window turned into hail while the rest remained in their liquid state.

He laughed.

She was beyond surprised hearing his laughter, but it was a laugh without humor. A laugh without happiness. It was a pained, strained, crazy and cruel laugh. It scared Rangiku to the point where she was shaking.

"Don't you get it, Matsumoto?" he said in a strained voice. "I am..._him_. I'm _him._ I'm everything he is!"

"Who?" Rangiku asked, confused but still scared.

He turned away from her. A hand ran through his wild, white hair as he screamed "I am AIZEN!"

The lieutenant's eyes widened. "What? Taicho what are you talking about? You're not-!"

"I am him!" Suddenly he spun around and roughly grabbed his lieutenant by her shoulders. She almost fell on her knees from the force. He pulled her down to his level and shouted "How can I not be him? I betrayed her just like he did! I stabbed her where he did! I killed her just like Aizen did! I KILLED HER! I killed her, heart and soul, just like him! She trusted him, she trusted ME…and now I am incapable of protecting her. I couldn't save her from him, and I couldn't save her from MYSELF!"

Suddenly the next thing the white haired captain knew he was being pulled forward with his head resting on her shoulder. His hands fell from her shoulders and his eyes widened in shock.

Rangiku held him tighter to her, his limp frame not responding to her. She felt some of the mud and blood smudge against her but she didn't care.

"That's not true," Rangiku said firmly "It's not true at all...why would it be? I trust you, taicho, and so does she. I know this feeling. Remorse, regret, and failure. I'm right aren't I? There's no need to feel that way. You haven't killed her, she's still alive. She lived through Aizen's attack, and she'll live through this one too. At least she is still alive...because-"

The next thing she knew Rangiku was being pushed away. Her captain looked at her shock and disgust. "She's not! She's dead! She better off being dead. If I can't protect her then...why should she live? I'd only hurt her again, I'd only remind her of _him_. You don't know how I feel! You haven't lost someone that can break your soul or that you couldn't protect!"

To his shock, his lieutenant's face crumbled into hurt. He was too angry to regret his words; in fact he hardly knew what he had said.

She stepped away, looking fiercely at her captain as she exclaimed. "I do know! I've lost someone who has broken my soul! SO don't you DARE tell me that I don't know! I've lost him forever, and his never coming back! I watched him as he left me behind to join Aizen…I watch him all my life as he walked away without him telling me where he was going!

"And then I watched him die! I wanted to take back everything I had thought about him as being a traitor! I wanted to tell him my feelings, but I NEVER got the chance! Not _one_ chance to tell him!

"At least you have a chance. At least you knew where Hinamori was going and what her intentions are! AT LEAST SHE'S ALIVE! You'll get your chance...You don't know how lucky you are! She won't die, I know she won't, and you know that too! Why do you refuse to acknowledge that fact?

"I've been holding back my mourning for the person I lost so that I could help YOU cope, but it looks like it was all for nothing! All I did was made things worse..."

By this point tears were falling down her face. She balled her hands into fists. She looked away from her shocked captain. Not trusting her own mind, she let her legs carry her away from Hitsugaya. She pushed the door aside and kept running. She didn't know where she was going but she didn't care…anymore.

* * *

_'What have I done…?'_ Hitsugaya was too shocked. He couldn't move, his was becoming short of breath and his eyes remained wide. All her statements replayed in his mind over and over. He clenched his fist. _'Damn it!'_

His fist collided with the wall. It remained there, throbbing in pain. His shoulders went rigid, his head dropped. He shook. He closed his eyes. _'I'm a mess…_'

He removed his hand from the wall. He turned around and pressed back against the window. His hurting hand came up to his face and covered it. Rangiku was right.

About everything.

She really did know what he was going through.

But she was having it much worse…

She even put his needs before her own.

It was know that he was truly grateful for her friendship…

...but now it had been ruined.

Everything was ruined.

His room…

The trust of his division…

His friendship with Rangiku…

Momo…

He slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. He brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

All hope was lost.

**Man, this chapter was full of angst :( And everyone was out character, BIG TIME! X( Sorry, I'll try better to kep them in character next time…**

**Hope you liked this chapter despite that :)**

**If you have time reviews are greatly appreciated! :D**

**Thank you for reading!**

**Keep writing!**

**-Warrayfinson **


	5. Chapter 5: Frozen Confession

**AN: Hey everyone!**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it's greatly appreciated! :D Yayz, I updated quicker than last time! :D**

**Disclaimer: I own this teacup, this timer, this snake, this laptop, that deodorant over there and whatever that thing is, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH and its characters. **

**I HIGHLY RECOMMEND: Listening to 'Rapture (Acoustics)' by HURT while reading this. Sad music works too ;)**

Frozen heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter Five: Frozen Confession**

Her feet trudged in the mud. Her hair slipped in front of her and stuck to her head. She gripped the tree for support. She panted for air desperately. She had run from her division all the way to…

…here?

Why was she here? Her mind felt hopelessly lost. This was…her old home.

The house she shared with…

"Gin…" Rangiku uttered the name quietly.

There was no one around to hear or see her. Anyone would've been crazy to be out in this weather.

It was a small, rundown shack. It looked more worn and ran-down then she remembered. Also smaller she discovered as she tried to crawl through the door. With some struggled she pushed the door aside. It creaked and groaned but eventually slid across. She crawled in and immediately the familiar smell of old wood and persimmons. She tucked her head in because of the low ceiling.

For a moment she sat there in silence listening to the rain outside. She pushed her drenched hair back behind her shoulders. She turned to toward the open door and closed it until it was just only open a few inches. Dim light filed the small space.

Her hand touched something rough and course. She quickly withdrew it, not knowing what she had touched. In the dim light she could see what it was.

Her eyes widened.

Her hand reached out and touched it again.

A blanket, but not hers, Gin's. It used to be a nice, clean blue colour, but now it was fading and aging. She was amazed it was still here. She looked around for her own, seeing it wasn't around. She hooded her eyes as she collected the large blanket in her hands. She closed her eyes as she brought the blanket to her face taking in his scent.

A memory filtered through her eye lids…

* * *

_Rangiku entered shivering from head to toe. Her hands clung to her arms. In an attempted to warm herself she rubbed her hands up and down her arms. No success. Her teeth chattered loudly above the sweeping winds. Outside she saw snow falling to the ground covering it in a pure white coat of the brown earth. It was the late hours of the night, but she was up for a good reason. Tonight she would ask him. She would ask him where he was going. Nothing would stop her from asking him…_

"_Ran-chan?"_

_She looked in the distance seeing his slender, tall frame walking towards the shack. _

"_G-G-Gin! W-Where h-h-h-have y-y-you-?"_

"_Why are ya still up?"_

_He stepped into the shack sliding the door to a close behind him. Around him draped a blue blanket and in his hands were a few persimmons. His silver hair had a few white specs of snow entangled in it. Rangiku reached out and brushed the specs away. Before she could say anything Gin spoke up. "I thought ya would have been asleep by now…"_

"_I-I-I w-w-w-w-would h-h-have…if-f-f-f you-u-u-u ha-a-a-adn't l-l-l-left a-again? Where do you go, G-G-G-Gin? I want to know…"_

_He dropped his fox smile. He placed the persimmons on the floor. He took the blanket off from his shoulders and wrapped it around Rangiku. She tried to protest arguing he would get cold, but Gin wasn't listening. He then sat next to her too a persimmon. "…I'll tell ya soon, 'kay?"_

"_W-What, n-n-no-!"_

_He wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling her close. "Just trust me on this one, 'kay?"_

_She frowned and pulled away from him. Taking it the wrong way, Gin shifted away from her and frowned. He bit into the persimmon quietly. However, the next thing he knew something warm was wrapped around his shoulder. He looked to see his blanket and Rangiku's hand. She scooted closer and put her head on his shoulder removing her hand from the other."…Promise you'll tell me one day?"_

_His smiled returned, but she couldn't tell whether it was genuine or not. "I promise ya everything, Ran-chan…"_

_She pulled her corner of the blanket to Gin. Gin pulled his corner of the blanket closer to Rangiku. He handed her a persimmon which she took gratefully._

_

* * *

_

Tears fell from her closed eyes. She opened them looking at into the rain. Sobs rolled through her body. She wrapped the blanket around her shivered frame. With a quiet, strained voice she said "Gin…Why didn't you tell me where you were going? You promised you would…Why didn't you? Why did you have to leave? Was I really not that good enough? Couldn't I provide for both of us?

"I'm sorry that I ever doubted you. I'm more sorry that I didn't but up a memorial for you! Please, I'm sorry, forgive me, Gin, please…"

And, for a flicker of a second, she thought she had received an answer.

She thought she heard her name…

'"_Rangiku…I'm sorry…'"_

_

* * *

_

_Five Days Ago…_

"I believe he is fully capable of returning to his quarter, Yamamoto-jisama," Unohana reported. "However, I believe he will not be able to attend to his proper duties until at least a week's rest, and then he should be mentally stable. I recommend a captain's leave for the time being, if that is alright with you..."

"I shall have to consider it," Yamamoto said. He continued on but Hitsugaya turned his head away and stopped listening. He stood outside Unohana's office, keeping his reitsu covered, and listened in on her conversation with Yamammoto.

He started to walk away back to his room so he could collect his things and return to his division. He was physically well, all the healing done and only a thin, pale scar on his left side remained. However, he didn't feel fully healed. There was still a pain in his chest and his head. The pain burned his body not able to let him think.

He sighed as he approached his room.

A familiar reitsu filled his sense.

He stopped.

He straightened and turned his head towards the doorway.

The pain in his head suddenly disappeared.

Now too many thoughts were running in his mind.

Too many things he had to say...

Taking a deep breath he stepped into the room.

He was only able to see her face because of a small beam of light coming through the curtain-drawn window. He felt like turning back and running to his room to collect his things, but something kept him there. Something pulled him towards her, and before he knew it, he was kneeling at her bedside watching her unconscious form.

She looked so peaceful and calm, a fact he wished he didn't take note of. '_The dead rest peacefully right?'_ The thought made him shiver.

_'"Master? Should we go?"'_

_'No...not yet…'_

_'"We should leave, before you can no longer-"'_

_'No, just be quiet!'_

He didn't mean to be so harsh to his zanpukto, but he knew he couldn't leave. He had to say it. Everything. Whether she heard it or not, he had to say it…

"You always were the one to get hurt," he said with an awkward chuckle "But why is that? Was it because you were so naïve, or clumsy? Even when we were kids you'd always trip over everything and end up scraping your knee or your arm. Then I'd have to take you back to Granny so she could bandage it up. I'd sit there and call you a baka...Then there was that time when I got mad at you and stormed off. I was being a real brat, and despite that you came running after me. And then...an icicle fell and hit your shoulder. I took you back and...You weren't...able to move for days."

He looked away from her to the side. "I blamed myself for the whole thing, but Granny told me it wasn't my fault. I believed her, but I still felt guilty. It was that day I promised that...I'd always protect you."

He looked back at her again. He bit his lip before continuing. "I made the promise as a sibling, a brother. But then when I entered the shinigami academy, I felt different about the promise. I saw you excel and try your best, and every time I saw your smile, I wanted to smile back. The promise was something different to me now, something a lot more than just the promise made between siblings.

"It turned into something else, something closer. Then, I became captain. You were so happy for me; you even bought a whole watermelon to celebrate using the last of your savings. It was then that I realised. I realised...why I felt this way...every time I saw...you."

He gently took her hand into his own, the skin contact feeling strange. Her hands were soft and smooth, but they were cold. He remembered that she would complain when they were younger that his hands were too cold. They still were, but her hands felt cold to him. For once his skin was warmer. It was something he wasn't happy about.

"I realised that...I...I know that…" His throat suddenly tightened, his eyes stung, his hands shook. He tried to get the words past his lips but couldn't. They refused to leave his throat. They were too attached to his brain, his lungs, his heart.

"I...I-I want you to wake up!"

It's not what he wanted to say. He wanted to say his true feelings, but they wouldn't come out. It was too hard, and the effort was too much. Still, he continued letting out what else he had to say. "I want you to wake up so that I can be forgiven… So that I can…No...You wouldn't accept it. I'd only be...rejected. Just like back in the Rukongai, I was rejected back everyone, except you and Granny...but now, you'll reject me too."

He lifted her hand to his cheek, leaning into it. His eyes trailed to the hand. "It's..._him_ isn't it?"

Suddenly rage boiled inside him. He clenched her hand tightly, almost to the point of breaking. "IT'S ALWAYS BEEN HIM!"

His exclamation echoed around the room. It hauntingly went silent after a few moments. Still, his rage had consumed him. "Why? Why him? You know he betrayed us, and yet you still believed he was good. He STABBED you, and you still are so damn naïve! It's because of how you felt for him…You love him! I know you do, it's obvious! You fell for him the moment you became his lieutenant! Your feelings are for him aren't they?"

His eyes focused on her again, he let go of her hand and he screamed "Answer me!"

He twitched when he got no response. He listened to his scream echo around the room, only realizing what he had said. The rage flooded out of him, and grief consumed him. He took her hand again. "I'm...I'm sorry. I don't know...what I'm thinking. For loving Aizen, I hate you, but that doesn't stop me from…

"Just please wake up. I don't care if you reject me, I'll just have to move on...I just want to see you with someone that can make you happy. I killed you, and I betrayed you. Does that make me any different from Aizen? No, it doesn't. I hate myself so much. I see you, every time I close my eyes to fall asleep. I failed as your protect…and I…"

One tear managed to escape. It fell on her hand with a silent 'plop'. He pressed his lips to her hand.

He wordlessly said what he had wanted to say all this time.

The silent confession…

He mouthed _'I love you…'_

_

* * *

_

Night had approached by the time the memory had finished, but still the heavy rain continued to fall, the thunder rolled off in the distance and the lightning electrocuted the skies. He'd crawled under the window of his room but still had his arms wrapped around his knees. His chin was poised on top of his knees. His face remained emotionless. His dull eyes flicked to the mess around the room.

He remembered how it had become like this…

He had come back to his division, not talking or looking at anyone. He slammed the door and laid down on his futon.

He grew tired and fell into a deep sleep. However, the nightmares plagued his mind. His division must have heard him screaming, because when his eyes snapped open he heard them banging against the door asking if he needed help.

He noticed his futon was completely torn up under him. His rage consumed him and his reitsu rose to incredibly dangerous levels.

The door was literally frozen shut. However he was too engulfed in his rage and trauma to hear them and started trashing his room.

As they got louder, he slammed the door breaking the ice. He nearly froze them to death with his high reitsu. They ran off in horror back to the gathering crowd down stairs.

He then continued smashing and overturning the furniture, getting splinters in his hands. However, his sense soon came back to him and he hid in the corner as he felt Rangiku's reitsu approach the division barracks.

He now looked down at his hands, seeing that they still had splinters embedded in them. With a frown he started to pick them out. He winced when he took out the bigger splinters from his palm. He let them all to the ground around him. Once a majority of them had been removed he wrapped his hands around his knees again. He was surprised that only a few of the cuts made by the splinters were bleeding. The small drops of blood soaked into his clothes, going unseen in the black.

He buried his head into his knees.

The rain would never clear.

* * *

And yet, off in the distance, the sounds registered. The smells were stifled. The cold was present to the skin. The senses were alert, but not all of them were.

And yet, off in the distance…

…her eyes opened.

**Guess who ;) Thanks for reading this chapter, hope you liked it! :D**

**If you have time reviews are greatly appreciated! :)**

**Thank you for reading!**

**Keep writing!**

**-Warrayfinson**


	6. Chapter 6: Frozen Awakening

**AN: Hey everyone!**

**Had a bad day today so I felt like writing up the next chapter to take my mind off things. It was one of those demoralizing day, you know? :( Anyway, thank you very much to everyone who reviewed and commented on the last chapter, your support and encouragement always makes my day :)**

**Again I recommend listening to 'Rapture (Acoustic)' by HURT when you get to the first break, and after that from there on 'So Far Away' by Staind ;)**

**Disclaimer: I own this laptop, this remote, this difficult assignment, this mood I'm in, that TV, this box of tissues, this ****laptop case, this blanket and the billions of hairs on my head, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH and it's characters.**

Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter Six: Frozen Awakening**

_And yet, off in the distance, the sounds registered. The smells were stifled. The cold was present to the skin. The senses were alert, but not all of them were._

_And yet, off in the distance…_

…_her eyes opened._

Hinamori blinked a few times before she got a clear picture of the ceiling. Her eyes were only half hooded, not finding the strength to lift them any higher. She heard the sound of her breathing under a mask. Her skin felt cold and unnatural. All she smelt was the strange scent of plastic. She only moved her eyes to see where she was. With her mind being able to focus on her surroundings she recognized she was in the fourth division. She then look down at herself, seeing all the tubes and connects stuck to her. In front of her a breathing mask covered her nose and mouth. She felt her undone hair touch the sides of her face. Without trying to disturb the connections she slowly sat up. Her head throbbed painfully. She brought her hand to her head and muffled a wince. She stayed like that for a moment, trying to get use to the pain in her system.

'"_...You weren't...able to move for days"'_

Her eyes widened. She threw her head up in shock at the voice. She looked around in all directions for the source of the voice. It was faint, but she heard everything. _' "I promised that...I'd always protect you."'_

She stopped when she realized the voice was coming from inside her head. It was replaying like a memory. But she didn't remember this. She didn't remember these words...but yet, she felt as though she had heard them before.

'_"I made the promise as a sibling, a brother. But then when I entered the shinigami academy, I felt different about the promise. I saw you excel and try your best, and every time I saw your smile, I wanted to smile back. The promise was something different to me now, something a lot more than just the promise made between siblings.  
"It turned into something else, something closer. Then, I became captain. You were so happy for me; you even bought a whole watermelon to celebrate using the last of your savings. It was then that I realised. I realised...why I felt this way...every time I saw...you."_

' "_I...I-I want you to wake up! I want you to wake up so that I can be forgiven… So that I can…No...You wouldn't accept it. I'd only be...rejected. Just like back in the Rukongai, I was rejected back everyone, except you and Granny...but now, you'll reject me too."'_

'_That's not true!'_ she said in her mind. _'Why would I-?'_

' "_Why? Why him? You know he betrayed us, and yet you still believed he was good. He STABBED you, and you still are so damn naïve! It's because of how you felt for him…You love him! I know you do, it's obvious! You fell for him the moment you became his lieutenant! Your feelings are for him aren't they?"'_

At that her hand throbbed. She looked down at her hand seeing that it had a faint bruise. However, her thoughts weren't focused on the bruise. _'My feelings...? For...For...For Aizen-tachio? I...'_

_"I'm...I'm sorry. I don't know...what I'm thinking. For loving Aizen, I hate you, but that doesn't stop me from…_

_"Just please wake up. I don't care if you reject me, I'll just have to move on...I just want to see you with someone that can make you happy. I killed you, and I betrayed you. Does that make me any different from Aizen? No, it doesn't. I hate myself so much. I see you, every time I close my eyes to fall asleep. I failed as your protector…and I…"_

Hinamori completely froze at the last statement. It wasn't true, and she knew it. She knew it so much that it was like a reflex. He never failed her. He could never fail her. But what of her feelings for her former captain? The thought of him scared her...wait scared her? Before every time she thought of him she would get a warm feeling that he was still there, still a good person. Now though she was filled with dread and fear. She had finally realized

...he wasn't that person she wanted to be, and...

Hitsugaya was right all along.

He wasn't the Aizen she knew all this time. He had manipulated her body and got her killed without any regret. He showed no remorse, only a cold smirk. He had caused...Hitsugaya a lot of pain.

His agonized scream echoed in her mind as she remembered falling. No, it wasn't Aizen that had caused him pain. It was _her_...the fact she was so weak and so naive. Why did she have to be this way? Why did he have to blame himself when it wasn't his fault?

But she knew what she had to do. She knew she had to tell him. Tell him everything she had wanted to tell him for so long.

'_I have to tell him...I have to tell him it wasn't his fault...'_

Her hands started hurriedly pulling the connects and tubes off her body. Once she was sure that they were all off she pulled off the breathing mask. She was completely breathless without it, like a fish without water. She quickly put it back in place, almost suffocating herself. She coughed and chocked under the mask, her hands still clasped around it. Once the coughing had died down, her lungs hurt.

Just as she was about to give up, determination conquered the fear and pain. _'I have to tell him...no matter what...even if...it kills me.'_

Without a second thought she quickly removed the breathing mask and scrambled out of her bed. She almost lost her balance but gripped doorframe just before she could hit the floor. She gasped for air, gladly receiving any she could. Her shaking legs wanted to keep going, but her hands refused to let the doorframe go. _'I...have to...go to him. It's..It's not his fault!'_

Daring to let go of the door frame she stumbled into the hallway and nearly collided with the wall in front of her. She looked down the hall in both directions. She was surprised to see no one anywhere. Taking advantage of the opportunity, she ran down the hallway towards the division's main entrance. Pain invaded her lungs but her determination was far greater. She saw ahead were the main entrance doors. She sprinted with all the strength she had left in her.

Just as she reached, and pushed the door aside, she heard calls and cries for her to come back. She didn't look back, just kept running. The rain penetrated her with an icy chill. She kept running like the rain wasn't even falling. The wind howled in her face, pushing her behind her in a wild, brown mane, and thunder roared in the distance. She was completely soaked to the bone. Her feet hit the wet, slippery stone path and mud.

Her head was spinning.

Her legs were shaky.

Her chest was full of pain.

Her whole body shivered from the cold.

She wanted to give up.

'_...I can't give up! I...I have to tell him! So...I...I can't end it like this. I can't end it with him feeling guilty, I won't end it that way...'_

Her eyes widened as a memory suddenly flashed before her eyes. The voices filled her mind...

* * *

_57 years ago..._

"Hey kid, I said pay up full price!"

"I did...This is how much you said!"

The girl looked up from the orange and yellow coloured leaves underneath her feet. She shivered under her blanket as a small gust of wind blew through. She saw a boy, but not just any ordinary boy. This boy had turquoise eyes and spiky, white hair. He had a frown on his features. It looked as though it was a permanent feature, unmoving and natural to his face.

"No, I said five, not three!" the shopkeeper, a boy around her own age, claimed.

The boy checked his pockets. Soon he turned back to the shopkeeper. "I've only got three on me..."

Hinamori searched her own pocket pulling out two coins. It was all she had. She looked back to the boy. She looked at him concerned and stood up.

"Fine, then take your business elsewhere, freak!"

The boy flinched at the comment. She almost stopped hearing the comment. However, she continued forward towards the shop. Keep the blanket wrapped around her, she approached the shop. "Excuse me..."

The older boy turned to her and grinned. "What can I do for you miss?"

She smiled back at him. "Here is the extra money for him."

The white haired boy looked at her in surprise.

"What? You mean him?" the keeper pointed to the boy in bewilderment. "Miss, you don't wanna-"

"Please, I'd like to buy this for him" she said almost pleadingly.

Reluctant but having no choice, the shopkeeper took the money and handed over a small, round watermelon. Hinamori was surprised by the purchase, but nonetheless handed it over to the boy with a smile. "Here you go..."

The boy stared at her in surprise before taking the watermelon. Her smile widened. _'He's a strange boy...'_

She turned to walk away.

"Hey, wait!"

She turned around again and her smile widened. "Yes?"

"I...Uh, thanks, for..."

"Oh, no problem" she then turned and started walking away. She wondered if the boy had seen her before, in the corner with only the blanket around her and no home to go to. Recently the house she lived in kicked her out, it was getting too crowded. When she arrived ten people lived in the house, but it soon grew too much and she was kicked out by the owner. Then she wondered to the first district without being seen by anyone for a few days, and just collapsed just where she saw the boy.

Night had fallen. Her legs felt weak and her whole body shivered. She hadn't eaten in days and her stomach growled for food. In the air she could smell the aromas of food from a restaurant. She tried to ignore the scent and kept walking.

Ahead she saw a strange figure hunched over. Frowning and curious, she walked towards the figure. She gasped as she got a closer look. It was the boy from before! He was hunched over and shaking. She rushed over to his side. "Are you alright?"

He looked up at her clutching his stomach. He looked like he was in pain. His expression changed when he saw her. He looked surprised to se her again. "You...?"

She crouched down to him. She unwrapped the blanket from around her shoulders, "Here, take this. You must be cold..." She wrapped it around his shoulders. He stopped her.

"Quit it, I'm fine!"

"But you're shaking, you must be cold. What happened? Why are out here all by yourself?"

He didn't answer, just pushed the blanket that she wrapped around his shoulder back to her. He winced in pain and clutched his stomach. It was only then did she see the bruise on his shoulder. _'He was beaten? Who would do such a thing?'_ "Where do you live?"

He looked at her painfully. "What?"

She stood up, offering her hand. "If you can stand up I can take you home. Just tell me where you live and I'll try my very best to get you there."

He looked shocked by the offer. He cringed. "I can't stand up...it hurts too much."

Seeing his shaking had increased, Hinamori quickly wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. This time he didn't reject her offer. She smiled as she thought of an idea. "Well then in that case..."

The next thing the boy knew he was being lifted up. He felt her arm come around his legs and his arm go around her neck. He was too stunned at first to say anything, but spoke up "What do you think you're-?"

"You can't walk, so I'll give you a piggyback!" the girl said with a smile. "This way you can direct me to your house and we'll be there in no time."

"Piggyback?" the boy questioned.

As she carried the boy on her back through the street, Hinamori couldn't help but wonder why she was getting such weird looks. Some of the kids looked at her like she was a freak, some of the adults looked surprised, and a few looked away in disgust. Did it have something to do with the boy? She turned her head slightly looking at him. He looked off to the side sadly. He muttered a quiet "Sorry..."

She blinked at the apology. "What are you sorry for?"

He didn't respond only pointed to the left, giving an indication to where his home was. She looked to where he pointed. A humble, little house. It seemed different from all the other house in the district. Something about it was warm, inviting. As she walked up to steps to the house she stopped and turned her head again to the boy. "I forgot to ask, what's your name? My name is Momo. Momo Hinamori."

The boy again looked surprised. "Why are you helping me?"

She frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you helping me? No ever helps me. I'm...different."

So that's why she was getting the looks. It was because if him. Now that she thought about it, he did looked different from everyone else. With his white hair and turquoise eyes, people would treat him differently for sure. Not to mention the frown he always had. To some he might come off as being cold. This saddened the girl greatly. When she first saw him she wasn't repulsed or sacred, she was intrigued and eager to help him. The boy behind the counter called him a freak. Why would you call someone that?

She fully stepped onto the porch and slowly placed the boy down. She turned to him and sincerely said "Different or not, you have the same rights as anyone. I don't see why you're any different from anyone else, right?"

There was a pregnant pause. Hinamori made a move to knock on the door, presuming there was someone inside. She stopped and turned her head back to the boy "What's your name? I'd really like to know..."

With his turquoise eyes, the boy looked up at her. There was a slightly smile on his face. "Toshiro Hitsugaya..."

* * *

The rain dripped the memory away, bringing her vision her vision back to reality. Her body couldn't take the pain anymore! She fell forward into the stone path. Her whole body shivered viciously. She couldn't move. Her body refused to move. Ahead the tenth division was only metres away.

Something was holding her down.

Something colder than the rain and wind.

Something _much_ stronger.

'_It...it can't be!'_ It was Hitsugaya's reitsu.

Her eyes widened as she felt the cold reitsu's feelings. She could feel guilt, remorse, desperation, depression, trauma and so much more. It made her want to cry. She had to get to him.

'_I...I have to keep going...please! Please move!"_ she pleaded to her body. In response, her head started to feel light. No, not good... _'PLEASE, HE NEEDS ME!'_

_

* * *

_

Hitsugaya didn't move. He clenched his knees tighter to his chest. So many thoughts memories and images of _her_ passing through his mind. Nothing else existed, absolutely nothing. Yet, in the back of his mind, something changed. Something felt a presence...

* * *

Her body gave into her pleas and she was crawling. She crawled with what little strength she had left. She was barely able to breathe. None of it matter to her. The only thing that matter was getting to him, even if killed her. Even if it meant that this was the last she would see him again, then she would. She had to reassure him, see him again...

* * *

He slowly lifted his head up to see his feet. Something in the back of his head was trying to tell him something. He didn't want to hear it. It kept calling out to him...

* * *

She was there, she was in the courtyard. Her body kept crawling but struggling. The closer she got the high the reitsu increased. When she neared the centre of the courtyard she nearly collapsed again. _'Where...where is he? I can't...give up now! I have to...go to him! I have to...tell him...the truth!'_

Realising that her body would give out any second, she used all her strength to do the almost impossible.

She lifted her head towards where his room was.

Her heart pounded wildly in her chest.

Her mind was against her doing what she was about to do, but she knew it was the only way to get him.

She opened her mouth and screamed, with raw emtion, above the rain and thunder...

* * *

"HITSUGAYA-KUN!"

He fully titled his head up.  
He didn't realise he had stopped breathing.

His eyes widened.

His ears were disbelieving.

His heart started to increase in rate.

His blood froze under his skin.

Suddenly the thing in the back of his mind broke free and told him her presence was right there, all long.

Her weak reitsu struggled under his.

"Hinamori...?"

**Happy Halloween everyone! Sorry, forgot to mention that before, my apologizes! ^^; I felt that Toshiro was really out of character in the flashback ^^;. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter :D**

**If you have time reviews and comments are greatly appreciated!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Keep writing!**

**-Warrayfinson**


	7. Chapter 7: Frozen Defeat

**AN: Hey everyone!**

**It's been a while since I last updated, my apologizes! ^^; School was really stressful and I had a whole load of tests, exams and what not to do. Anyway, thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, you guys ROCK! :D**

**Disclaimer: I own this fan, this awesome painting done by my friend, this science textbook, this MP3, this hairbrush, this cup of tea, this computer, this keyboard and this laptop charger, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH and it's characters.**

Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter Seven: Frozen Defeat  
**

_Suddenly the thing in the back of his mind broke free and told him her presence was right there, all long. _

_Her weak reiatsu struggled under his._

"_Hinamori...?"_

He stood up so fast he nearly fell over. He turned towards the window.

His eyes widened at the sight in the middle of the courtyard.

Through the sheets of rain he saw her…

He didn't know how to feel, but his limbs felt like they had the weight of the world in them like before.

He roughly slammed the window open, glass falling everywhere around him. He jumped out into the rain.

Everything slowed.

His mind became aware of everything.

The fact he was jumping out the window hoping to land unharmed on the ground, the rain that instantly chilled and soaked him to the bone, this feelings of longing and fear that coursed through his system, all these things…didn't seem to matter. His eyes only saw her, nothing else. His eyes only saw her fallen, weak form lying on the ground, a hand reaching out towards him as he fell.

The only time he didn't concentrate on her was when he landed on the ground. He tumbled forward but quickly stood up rushed towards her.

He saw through the rain her look of awe and shock. It only made him want to run faster. "Hinamori!"

She opened her mouth to call back but nothing came, only a wheezy breath. Her hand kept reaching out to him. Her other hand got underneath her and tried to push her forward. He tried to stop just near her but his body stopped too late. He fell forward to her and brought his arms around her as he fell, taking her with him. They skidded away only a little distance, the whole time clinging to each other. As they came to a stop, Hitsugaya hugged her tighter, protecting her from the harsh rain. "Hinamori…"

He sounded strange to her, so upset, almost like a child. His voice was strained and low. She half closed her eyes. "H…Hit…Hitsu….gaya…kun…"

He pulled her up with him as he sat up. He cradled her to his cold frame, but to her he was warm. She shivered uncontrollably, her fingers felt numb and her feet felt like they were going to drop off any second. Her whole body felt weak. Her mind was fading…Was she dying? No she couldn't be…not now! But she remembered what she had thought before. Even if it killed her, she would make it to him…

And now here he was…

…looking down at her with pain stricken eyes.

They were worse than the eyes she saw the day…he stabbed her.

The day she questioned him…

…already knowing the answer.

It was an answer she didn't want to hear, but now she was ready for it, no matter the pain it caused her. She came back to reality when she felt a pain in her chest. She winced, her hand coming over the area that hurt the most in her chest. She didn't have much time…

If she was dying, she didn't have much time…

She had to tell him…

…now.

"Shiro…chan…" she said looking up to the boy. He looked back down at her trying not to show the pain he was feeling. She smiled at him weakly. "Shiro-chan…My little Shiro-chan…You've….grown up so much…over the years. You've become…much more…mature and serious. Even though you've changed…you were still my little Shiro-chan…"

She rested her head on his chest, hearing his heart beating. It calmed her and gave her the strength to talk again. "It was only…recently that I realised… you weren't a child anymore. You were…something else to me. You weren't a little boy…I'd think of as brother….far from it…I think…you're so great…Hitsugaya-kun…"

He opened his mouth to speak. She stopped him by putting her cold hand on his cheek. He looked astonished by the action. He unconsciously leaned into her hand. Her smiled returned seeing his reaction. Through his eyes she saw so many things, so many thoughts, so many emotions. Something was behind them though, something she couldn't see past the negatives.

Her smile fell as she failed to see what it was. Momo didn't realize her emotions were now showing through her eyes, looking at the white haired captain pleadingly and sincerely.

Her hand reached high touching the whole side of his face. "…I…came running…all this way…to tell you…you're wrong." She took in a rough breath before continuing. "It isn't your…fault. You…weren't to know. Who would've…known? You could…never fail me…Hitsugaya-kun…You're not…pathetic…or weak…or stupid…No, you're…not at all. You're…so kind, and…brave and…you never gave up on me. Even when…I drew my zanpukto…against you…you just brushed it…aside and forgave…me.

"Why would you… forgive me? Why would…want to save me? Why would you want…to protect…someone like me? I'm nothing…but a burden to everyone. I first thought that…maybe I should just…die and be…forgotten…No one would…remember me, right? Maybe…I should disappear…It was only while I…was running that…I realized…I couldn't do that. I…I didn't…I didn't want to…hurt you again…Hitsugaya…kun…I didn't want you to…suffer…anymore.

"I want you…to know…that you're the best, Hitsu…gaya-kun. You protected me…and made me feel safe…You tried to help me…all the time…even when we were kids. I…hate to see…you beating yourself…up. Don't…blame yourself. It was…an accident, right? Please…stop blaming yourself…If it helps…, and you want to hear…that I…I…I have forgive-….given you…then…

"I…I forgive you…Shiro…chan…always…

"I'm…such a weak…person. I can't protect…myself, or you…I want to protect you…just as much you…protect me. I want to get strong so…I can protect you too…In the end…you always protect me. I…loved that most about you…"

He was shocked. His mind couldn't put the words together top form in his head. _'Did..say…did she say…Did she say she..?'_

"I'm sorry that…I've caused you…so much pain. I only just realized…how much. I only just realized…I don't love…Aizen…anymore. I kept…denying it…over and over...to the point where…I didn't even believe you…I regret it…I only just realized…how much…you mean to me. How much…I feel for you… I love a lot of things…about you Hitsugaya-kun…I love your…kindness…your frown…your reaction to when…I call you Shiro-chan…the way you…look at me… your strength…your smile…that you…are always there…for me…that even though…I am nothing but a burden to you…you still…stay by my side.

" I…I'm such a selfish…person…to always want you…to stay by my…side. I have to..let you go…so you can find…the person…you want to be with. I know that you…probably only see me as a sister…or a friend…and, as hard as…it is for me…to accept that…, I just want you…to be happy…with that person.

"I'm willing to make…this sacrifice…because I…I…lo..lo…ve…you…Shiro-chan…Hitsu…gaya…tai..cho…I'm… s…s…sor…ry…"

Her hand slipped away from his face. She fell away from his shoulder, her head turning away from him. He let out one last breath…and closed her eyes.

He was too shocked to realize what was happening. He was taking in all her words, _every_ single one. His mind pieced everything together, like a puzzle. When realization dawned on him he saw her conditions. "…Momo?...Hinamori?"

He felt the panic rising in his system. His fingers went to her pulse. It was there…

…but fading…

Rapidly.

His reiatsu exploded, along with his heart. It shredded all over again, cutting deeper and rougher into him. His agony wouldn't calm. The weather changed. The some of the rain became hail, the winds howled and were strong enough to bring even the tallest of trees crashing down. Floods were forming in some parts of the Soul Society…He didn't care. He didn't care anymore…but under his fingers he still felt her fading pulse. No, he couldn't give up. He couldn't let her go now. He wouldn't let her go. He wouldn't let her go now. Not now when he had come so far.

With all his strength he got to his feet. In his heavy arms he lifted her light, drenched, cold body. He ran forward towards the fourth division, not giving his division a chance to call out his name. He didn't look back, he didn't want to. If he did…he would have accomplished nothing. He couldn't dwell in the past. He knew that now. He had only known it for a few seconds and he already knew that it was answer he had been waiting for.

Hitsugaya had been waiting for her to forgive him.

She said there was nothing to forgive, but she forgave him despite there being no reason. She had told him…her feelings. He felt like such an idiot for not telling her while she was still conscious. So many thoughts ran through his mind. They blocked his vision to the point where he had to shut his eyes for the briefest second. He opened his eyes to the wild weather again. In moments he was running up a cliff. This confused him and he almost stopped trying to remember how he got here. He didn't know where he was. He was surrounding up dead trees and dark clouds. Had he gone off track? He must have, because he turned around and the Soul Society was off the in distance. He ran in opposite direction he had came, back to the Soul Society.

As he kept running along the mud path he said quietly. "Don't give up on me. Please, don't die…I want to…I still want to stay by your side, and this time…this time I will…" He felt a strange sensation course through him, something that was like a mixture of determination and his true feelings for the girl. He felt his voice raise above all the sounds of the howling winds, the rushing waters, his sloppy running steps and the thunder off in the distance "I _WILL_ SAVE YOU!"

The white-haired captain quickly looked down at the girl who lay almost lifelessly in his arms, then back at the muddy road ahead of them. He tried to remember how he ended up here or which direction he came-

Everything slowed.

He felt his body turn sideways.

His foot hurt.

The rain slowly fell on him.

He felt her leave his arms…

…and fall ahead of him into the ditch.

His vision suddenly cut to black.

The next thing he knew he was tossing, rolling and tumbling in the mud. Fallen trees scrapped against his body, rocks dug into his skin, and the mud caked his clothes again. Yet as all of this was happening, his vision was black. He felt himself rolling and tumbling and everything hurt. Why was his vision black? He saw nothing but black…

He felt the tumbling stop. His body was completely still. The pain was numbed out by the chilling rain and hail. He then realized he had his eyes closed. He had gotten so shocked by the slip of his foot he had closed his eyes. He opened them…only to see her limp body in the distance. She wasn't moving…she wasn't breathing.

He tried to move his body desperately, but agony washed over him. Blood oozed out of the cuts and scratches in his skin. Bruises started to form. None of this mattered to him. Only the pain in his chest and head did. The pain he felt for failing her again. He had failed her…He had really killed her this time. She wasn't breathing…Her reiatsu was only a mere flicker…She was dead.

Instead of protecting her he had hurt her.

Instead of helping her he had only driven her to further insanity.

Instead of protecting her and stabbed her through the heart.

Instead of visiting her when she was unconscious he cowered away unable to look at her without feeling guilty.

Instead of confessing to her he kept quiet while she blamed herself.

Some many tears fell from his turquoise eyes.

He was scared. Scared to the point where his sanity was hanging by a loose thread. He was scared of the future and this world. It was so cruel to him. It made him look like the bad person…the evil in this world. He didn't want to be that. All he wanted was to stay by her side…but the world was cruel. Cruel to the point where he was here, laying in the mud in pain hurting both physically and mentally. To point where it had completely broken him…

To the point where he wanted to leave this world.

He wanted leave this world and never come back.

Anything was better than this world.

He slowly closed his eyes as his body became colder than the rain and hail. The sounds of the thunder and the flashes of lightning faded. His life was slowly seeping from his body…

…He was leaving this world…

**THE END…**

…**..OF THIS CHAPTER! Next chapter is the last one in the story, hope you'll stick around for it. Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated! :D**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Keep writing!**

**-Warrayfinson**


	8. Chapter 8: Frozen Dying

**AN: Hey everyone!**

**I've decided that because I love you guys so much this will be the third or second last chapter. So this story is NOT ENDING JUST YET. Thanks ****icyangel27** ** for your review, it made my day 3**

**Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! :D**

**Dislciamer: I own this bowl of ice cream, this timer, these speakers, this spoon, this lamp, this MP3, this sense of freedom I feel and this phone charger, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH and its characters.**

Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter Eight: Frozen Dying**

"I think I've found them over here!"

"Taicho….Taicho…please…taicho…Hinamori…"

"Quickly, go help her!"

"…Why are you…?"

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho!"

"…Why are you-"

"_Taicho?"_

_The boy jumped hearing his title. Around him was a plain of ice. Until he heard her voice he had just been walking across the ice waiting for his legs to give out under him. The voice made him stop. He knew that voice, but he was too afraid to turn around. He was too afraid to see how would look at him now. _

"_Taicho, please…"_

_He cringed hearing her pleading to him. He slowly turned around, not ready to see her.  
_

"Matsumoto-fukutaicho-"

"I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-taicho…I really am."

_She stood there with a neutral expression on her face. Her stance was a little out of characters. It was timid, nervous. She took a close step towards her captain and knelt next to him. She gently put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-taicho…I really am."_

_Just as she was about to continue the boy walked away. "I can't go on…good bye, Matsumoto…"  
_

"Please, hand him over and we'll take him to-"

"He's already dead!"

"…I…I'm sure that's not-"

"IT IS! CAN'T YOU SENSE HE HAS NO REIATSU? HE'S DEAD!"

_She faded away, the sounds of her sobs still echoed around the icy landscape. He was deaf to her cries and kept walking. He didn't know where he was going, but he knew he was dead, or dying. He didn't know which, nor did he really care. _

'_Master?'_

_He stopped hearing the second voice. Again he cringed but knew what this voice would tell him…  
_

"Quickly get them to the emergency-!"

"What? Is that-?"

"Yes, no time to talk! Quickly get Unohana-taicho! We have to two emergancies, both are dying!"

"Taicho? Taicho, where did you go? Where did you put-?"

'_Please, listen…Please.'_

_The boy stood there looking at the ice dragon emotionlessly. He was listening, whether he liked it or not…_

'_Do not give up, master, there are so many things you can still do…Please, do not give up, don't let me die with you. I wish to live by your side too, as your weapon you can depend upon, your counsel and as your friend. Please, don't let me crumble…'_

_He heard the pleading done from the dragon. There was a large 'snap'. A large crack had snapped along Hyourinmaru's side. Hitsugaya looked away, unable to see his zanpukto die in front of him. "I'm sorry, Hyourinmaru…"_

_He felt the cracks form under his feet. His knees collapsed under him and as he hit the ice surface, more cracks appeared in the dragon and ice below him. Before he knew it Hyourinmaru had crumbled into millions of tiny piece of ice. Hitsugaya fell forward.  
_

"Please calm down, Matsumoto-fukutaicho. They will be alright, I will do my bet give them as much a chance for living as possible."

"…Please just save them…"

"I will."

_Everything was so slow. He felt like he was falling for eternity.  
_

"After two days of waiting I don't care its good new or bad news, Unohana-taicho, how are they?"

The fourth division captain looked to the lieutenant with a small smile. "There is some good news. Hinamori-fukutaicho is awake and has almost fully recovered. Her physical injures I mean. As for her internal, due to the running and strain she put on herself, her organs are currently going under a healing process, but she should be alright in about two or three days."

Rangiku sighed in relief. "Oh, thank goodness…but, what about taicho?"

Unohana's smile fell. Her eyes softened. "Sadly, while his physical injuries have healed, he may…not live. He may…die within the next twenty-four hours for all we know."

Rangiku was completely frozen. The shock that ran through her paralyzed her from moving. She didn't realize she had stopped breathing and choked for air. She looked at the fourth division captain wide eyed. "What? What's wrong? What can't you heal? You said you'd save him as well!"

"It is not an injury," Unohana turned away from the lieutenant to the nearby window. "It is not a physical injury. It's a mental and emotional one. It was one that neither you nor I can reach." She turned back to the lieutenant, her eyes slowly reaching hers. "He does not have a reason to live. I presume that he was taking Hinamori-san to the fourth division, and he slipped on the cliff edge and ended up in that ditch we found him in. He must have thought he had failed her."

Rangiku slowly nodded, knowing how to continue on from the fourth division captain. "He's always protecting her. He always wants to. Even though she can fight her own battles and protect herself, he always rushes to help her so she doesn't have to fight. He takes all her blows. When I first saw them together, I thought that they were just like a brother and a sister. That how I always saw it.

"As time progressed, I began to notice how many times he went out his way for her. How many times he protected her and reassured her. I noticed how he looked at her, and how she looked at him. I realized, even if he had or hadn't, that…he was in love with her.

"His relationship with her had matured into something else. I didn't hold him back, he had realize in his own time. He is a close friend of mine, so I wish for him to be happy."

At this point tears were forming her eyes and her voice became strained. "Now though, he thinks that what is most precious to him, the reason he lives, is dead. I can't prove it to him, I can't tell him. That…That is what…scares me. He'll die, and when she has fully recovered, she'll have lost the two most important people in her life. She lost the person she admired more than anyone, and now, if he doesn't know if she is alive, he'll regret it in death…"

'_Why was I born into a world with white hair weird coloured eyes?" he thought still falling. 'Was I supposed to be the freak of nature people took pity on? What was my purpose in life? Did I ever have one?'_

_An image of her flickered before him. His eyes widened. 'What was my…purpose? I had one, but I can't remember it? I don't want to remember it! It's too painful!'_

_Suddenly he started to fall faster. The icy ground was rushing up to meet him. 'Maybe…'  
_

"Shall I take you to see Hinamori-fukutaicho?" Isane offered. "Unohana-taicho is currently not here, she's on a mission with the eleventh division, you know how crazy they can get…"

Rangiku wasn't in the mood for humor. Just to satisfy Isane though, she smiled. "Yeah, I know. How is Hinamori-san doing?"

'_Maybe it's…'  
_

Isane lead the way to the girl's room. "After two days she's able to move around and speak, though taicho wishes for her to get more rest."

"I see. What about Hitsugaya-?"

'_Maybe it's better…'  
_

Both lieutenants stopped. Panic soared through Rangiku. _'What? It can't be…!'  
_

'_Maybe it's better if…'  
_

"Oh no! Quickly, you three over there come with me, we have an emergency!" Three fourth division members and Isane rushed past a fazed Rangiku towards his room.

'_Maybe it's better if I…'  
_

"He's not breathing!"

"Hurry, we need to resort his reiatsu!"

'_Maybe it's better if I don't…'  
_

"We're losing him!"

"We can't be, we can't be losing him!"

Rangiku stood in the doorway, tears of shock forming in her wide eyes. _This can't be happening…How can I save him?'_ Her mind was whirling with questions and answer that didn't fit. She took in a deep breath knowing who she had to get. "Hinamori! Hinamori, please, we need your help! You can't let taicho fade away, not now!"

'_Maybe it's better if I don't remember…'_

_He lay on the ice, his eyes shutting off to everything. His heart stopped…  
_

**Oh boy…Is Hitsugaya really dead? Is there a way to bring him back? Find out soon! ;)**

**If you have time reviews are greatly appreciated! :D**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Keep writing!**

**-Warrayfinson**


	9. Chapter 9: Frozen Heart

**AN: Hey everyone!**

**Sorry for the very late update! ^^; Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter, it was greatly appreciated :D I recommend listening to any sad music whilst reading this chapter, it might help set the mood XD**

**Disclaimer: I own this cheese sandwich, this glass of milk, this computer, these pens, this ruler, and these next few pages of 'If the Shoe Fits', Tite Kubo owns BLEACH**

Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter Nine: Frozen Heart**

…_His last breath was about to escape his lips._

_He didn't hold it back…_

…

"…_Shiro-chan?"_

_He stopped the breath before it could escape. _

_His heart leapt despite that it had stopped beating long ago. _

_His eyes cracked open just enough to see the baron, icy planes. Had he imagined it?_

"_Shiro-chan, why are you doing this?"_

_No, he hadn't imagined it. Somehow, the realization of her voice not being a figment of his imagination made him happy. Why was that? Did he want her to be here?_

"_Please, I need to know…why you are dying…" he heard her say, her voice chocking, as if she were sobbing._

_It was only then did he start to pay attention to what she was saying. Why was she crying? Why did he so desperately want to see where she was? He didn't have enough strength in his body to move .All he could do was keep his eyes open at a fraction._

"_I want to know so that maybe…I can convince you otherwise. Maybe your dying because…of me. I don't want you to die, I really don't! No one does! There is still so much I want to do with you, Shiro-chan!"_

_Her voice was becoming desperate. "Please, I'll do anything! I'll start calling you Hitsugaya-taicho! I'll get more sleep! I won't get into anymore danger! I won't bother you anymore when you're doing your paperwork! I'll even buy a watermelon everyday if you want me to! Just please, please-!"_

_He felt something encircling his waist and shoulders and lifting him up to his knees, which lay limp on the ice. His head remained limply bowed, unable to move. His limbs felt like lead, too heavy to move. Whatever was holding him was warm. In the corner of his eyes he saw they were slim arms, holding him up. He felt the side of face press against his back, her tears staining his white robes._

_In her desperate voice she cried "If you're so broken on the inside, then I will hold you together! I will hold you together until you don't need to be support anymore and you can walk again on your own two feet! I…!" _

_Her voice became painful and more quiet. After a quiet sub, she continued "But if it isn't me, if I isn't me that is killing you, then what is it? I want to know! Is it because, as Rangiku-san said, you felt like you failed me? You haven't, you really haven't! You could never fail me, Shiro-chan. Don't you remember what I said before?"_

_Suddenly, her words echoed all round him. From before, when she had run all her way to see him:_

_

* * *

_

_Shiro-chan…My little Shiro-chan…You've….grown up so much…over the years. You've become…much more…mature and serious. Even though you've changed…you were still my little Shiro-chan…"_

_"It was only…recently that I realised… you weren't a child anymore. You were…something else to me. You weren't a little boy…I'd think of as brother….far from it…I think…you're so great…Hitsugaya-kun…"_

_"…I…came running…all this way…to tell you…you're wrong." _

_"It isn't your…fault. You…weren't to know. Who would've…known? You could…never fail me…Hitsugaya-kun…You're not…pathetic…or weak…or stupid…No, you're…not at all. You're…so kind, and…brave and…you never gave up on me. Even when…I drew my zanpukto…against you…you just brushed it…aside and forgave…me._

_"Why would you… forgive me? Why would…want to save me? Why would you want…to protect…someone like me? I'm nothing…but a burden to everyone. I first thought that…maybe I should just…die and be…forgotten…No one would…remember me, right? Maybe…I should disappear…It was only while I…was running that…I realized…I couldn't do that. I…I didn't…I didn't want to…hurt you again…Hitsugaya…kun…I didn't want you to…suffer…anymore._

_"I want you…to know…that you're the best, Hitsu…gaya-kun. You protected me…and made me feel safe…You tried to help me…all the time…even when we were kids. I…hate to see…you beating yourself…up. Don't…blame yourself. It was…an accident, right? Please…stop blaming yourself…If it helps…, and you want to hear…that I…I…I have forgive-….given you…then…_

_"I…I forgive you…Shiro…chan…always…_

_"I'm…such a weak…person. I can't protect…myself, or you…I want to protect you…just as much you…protect me. I want to get strong so…I can protect you too…In the end…you always protect me. I…loved that most about you…"_

_"I'm sorry that…I've caused you…so much pain. I only just realized…how much. I only just realized…I don't love…Aizen…anymore. I kept…denying it…over and over...to the point where…I didn't even believe you…I regret it…I only just realized…how much…you mean to me. How much…I feel for you… I love a lot of things…about you Hitsugaya-kun…I love your…kindness…your frown…your reaction to when…I call you Shiro-chan…the way you…look at me… your strength…your smile…that you…are always there…for me…that even though…I am nothing but a burden to you…you still…stay by my side._

_" I…I'm such a selfish…person…to always want you…to stay by my…side. I have to..let you go…so you can find…the person…you want to be with. I know that you…probably only see me as a sister…or a friend…and, as hard as…it is for me…to accept that…, I just want you…to be happy…with that person._

_"I'm willing to make…this sacrifice…because I…I…lo..lo…ve…you…Shiro-chan…Hitsu…gaya…tai..cho…I'm… s…s…sor…ry…"_

_

* * *

_

"_I really love you, Shiro-chan," he heard her say, softly. "And, even if am not the one, I will let you go so you can find that special someone in your life. Don't feel guilty, never feel guilty for the burden I have put on you. The burden of my feelings. _

"_Whoever you end up with…she will be very lucky to have you. So lucky…and I will support you both. I will try…my very best to see that you are both happy. I anyone goes against the relationship I will come to your defense, I promise. _

"_I just…really want you to wake up. Please, please, please…PLEASE WAKE UP, HITSUGAYA-KUN!" she screamed the last part out o agonized his dead heart nearly broke again. _

_His eyes widened at her words. His feet suddenly stood on the ground on their own. He stood up, her arms still wrapped around his waist and shoulders. He know so desperately wanted to her everyone. Everything he had kept bottled up over the war. He wanted to her she was from a selfish, burdensome person. She was…his reason._

_She was the reason why he lived._

_His hand came and touched her hand around his waist…_

…_only to pass through it._

_Her skin become transparent, her arms pulling away from him, dissolving through his body. He turned around just in time to see her pained and saddened face before it become transparent as well. "Please, Hitsgaya-kun! Please live!"_

_Without warning she was violently jerked away from him. With desperation coursing through him, he sprinted to toward her. Her hands reached out to him. "Please don't leave me, Shiro-chan, please!"_

_The rate she was getting pulled away at now increased, and Hitsugaya found himself having to speed up. He didn't care that his body ached. He knew if he didn't reach her now, if he didn't hold her…_

…_he'd really die._

_He would never see her again…_

_He wouldn't hear her laughter_

_He wouldn't see her on his birthday with Rangiku and the others at his 'surprise' party._

_He wouldn't see her smile._

"_Hinamori, stay with me!" he cried out. _

_His hand reached out to hers, his fingers just about to touch the tips of hers._

_He suddenly lost his footing…_

…_No…_

…_.NO!_

_He'd lost, he couldn't have lost! _

_Not now, when he was so close!_

"_I won't leave you, Momo!" He reached his hand out further as he fell. _

_Time slowed._

_His body came closer and closer to making contact with the ground._

_His hand…_

**Did he make it or not? Find out next time around ;) I guess this chapter was a lot shorter then I was expecting, but the next one is gonna be longer, I promise!**

**Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Keep writing!**

**-Warrayfinson**


	10. Chapter 10: Melting the Heart

**AN: Hey everyone! :D**

**Well, this is the last chapter, so sad…*cries* Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed this story (****j cloud xD****, Richasa, applestoapples, ****CressidaRene****, ****Ginasaurus****, ****rockbabyval****, ****serenity095****, ****zx14ninja****, ****SnowKoyuki13****, Randomhitsuhina, ****Ebbie54****, ****Mei-tan****, ****elainehac123****, hitsuhinaFan, ****icyangel27****, randomness and ****MoonLightView****), I love you all! :3 *Hugs***

**Just a quick notice, I have a poll on my profile that I would appreciate votes in. Though the question seems odd, it will determine a lot about my next HitsuHina fanfiction. So if you can vote, please do. However, it you're not a member of fanfiction but you'd like to vote, just leave your answer in your review once you've seen the poll question and answers.**

**Enjoy the last chapter! Oh and just a caution, this chapter has FLUFF...A. LOT. OF. IT. And also...MAJOR OCC (out of character) COMING UP!**

**HIGHLY RECOMMEND: Listening to either 'Tiny Heart' by Flyleaf or 'The Great Work Begins' by Thomas Newman.**

**Disclaimer: own this glass of pepsi, this wallet, this alarm clock, this chair that spins, that desk of there, that 'Alice in Wonderland' poster over there, these yellow walls (YELLOW, YAYZ! 8D) and that door with the grim reaper poster on it, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH.**

Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares

**Chapter Ten: Melting the Heart, Melting the Nightmares  
**

_Time slowed._

_His body came closer and closer to making contact with the ground._

_His hand…_

"Please, Hitsgaya-kun! Please live!"she pleaded and sobbed. Her hand, which was resting over his chest where his heart should be beating, quivered. She felt nothing but his cold skin under her hand. Where was his heart? Why wasn't it beating?

Her disbelief started pulled away...

Only to be replaced with utter sorrow.

More tears escaped her eyes and fell onto his unmoving form. Her knees became weak and collapsed under her. Her only support was the hospital bed the dead tenth division captain lay on. Her hand was slowly dragged away from his chest, coming to his hand instead. Her agonized eyes couldn't tear themselves away from Hitsugaya.

From outside, Rangiku feared the worst. She had been so sure it would work. She was so sure that if she had gotten Hinamori to rush in and confess that he would want to keep living. However, it seemed like...it was too late.

And here she was, fighting off every fourth division member who was trying to get into the room. She even argued against Unohana when she returned, just so that this last minute resort could work. However, all the arguments had stopped when they heard the girl's pleading and confessions.

Now...they were all standing there, watching the suffering girl pleading for the person she loved to come back.

Unohana put a comforting hand on Rangiku's shoulder and quietly said. "...I'm sorry."

Rangiku felt weak in all her joints. She leaned against the wall for support, her hands covering her face. She repeatedly murmured "This can't be, no, this can't be!"

Moments passed. His heart...was still...

...dead...

...unmoving...

...fliting...

...one beat...

...and then another...

Unohana straightened.

Rangiku pulled her hands away, looking wide eyed at her taicho.

Some wisps of reiatsu flew from the boy to those outside. Members of the fourth divison looked at each other in disbelief. Some were whispering questions to each other, in utter disbelief.

Unohana and Rangiku looked at each unbelieving.

However, Hinamori was too distraught to notice that Hitsugaya was...

* * *

His eyes slowly opened. Strangely his vision wasn't blurry, it was clear. He felt the cold air reach his skin. His hearing was muffled. He heard something, something that got clearer and clearer by the second. He turned his head towards the source.

His eyes would have gone wide if he had the strength; however they remained only half opened. He felt strange emotions course through him, all of the warm. He smiled, and weakly and quietly said...

* * *

"Hina...mori..."

The distraught girl didn't hear him over her sobs. Hinamori made one last plea, still not realising that Hitsugaya was alive. It was a plea with so much emotion, that her heart throbbed. She cried out her last plea "Please don't leave me, Shiro-chan, please! I need you! I…I love you…"

Something collided with her body, causing her to nearly fall over. However, she managed to retain her balance. It took her moments to register the situation, and what was clinging to her so tightly...

Tears still flowed from her now widened eyes.

She was too shocked to wipe them away.

Her heart raced.

She felt light headed because of the amount of pure relief, shock and happiness that was rushing through her.

"...S-Shiro-chan?" she said weakly but in shock.

He hadn't realised what he'd done until she had said his nickname. Her plea made him sit up, throw himself half out of the bed and bring her into a tight embrace. His face was buried in her shoulder, unmoving, his arms firmly around her waist, and one hand clinging desperate to her shoulder, while the other clung to her back.

Her arms were restricted so she couldn't hug him back. Her whole body went from being numb to warm. She sobbed in pure joy. "Hitsugaya-kun!"

She felt him pull his face away from her shoulder. "Why...is it...?"

She completely froze hearing his voice. She hadn't heard since she was in her unconscious state. However, unlike his voice at that time, this one was quiet, trying to contain his emotions. He pulled away fully, his eyes meeting hers. They stayed like for a moment, unmoving, unfazed...

"...that I'm...so happy..." he continued now leaning in toward Hinamori.

She didn't lean away, she didn't want to. She felt his lips lightly kiss her tears and cheeks. He finished his statement in a whisper. "...to see you crying...for me?"

She couldn't help but smile and cry even harder. She tried to speak but only sobs and hiccups came. She managed to regain her composer after a few moments and managed to speak. "Silly...Shiro-chan..." –She looked him in the eye –"you already know why...it's because I...I really lo-"

"TAICHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Both of them jumped at the sudden exclamation. The next thing Hitsugaya knew everything went black and he was suffocating. He was losing air, and fast!

"Oh my gosh, Taicho!" Rangiku cried, her happiness beyond limits with dramatic tears escaping her eyes in rivers "I'm so happy your awake, Hitsugaya-taicho! You really don't know how happy I am!" She hugged him tighter, making the boy scramble around to try and push himself away from her chest. Hinamori was trying to warn Rangiku but she was too caught up in the moment.

"Rangiku-san, please, I think Hitsugaya-kun is going to suffocate!" Hinamori said worriedly.

Rangiku looked at her...and ended up pulling her into the hug too. "Thank you sooooo much, Hina-chan! You're the best, you really are. If it wasn't for you, who would have brought back my bossy, cranky taicho? Not only that, if you had died as well, who would I be able to tease about having feelings for taicho? Who?"

At that Hitsugaya stopped struggling, too shocked to even remember he was being suffocated.

Hinamori was blushing bright red.

Rangiku let go of both of them. They gasped for air turned to each other. Rangiku wiped her tears away and smiled. "You get the picture now, taicho? And you to, Hinamori? It's been obvious to everyone around the Seritei for a long time. So, why haven't you two realised how you feel? Why haven't you confessed?"

"M-Matsumoto!" Hitsugaya exclaimed embarrassed.

Feeling the temperature drop slightly, Rangiku quickly stood, rigid and nervous. "Ehahahaha, looks like I've said too much! Um, eh...Gotta run!" And with that she was gone.

The captain sighed and anxiously turned back towards Hinamori. She had been looking at him this whole time, her cheeks still blushing. They just stared at each other for a long moment, a very long, awkward moment...

"Um, Shiro-chan...Do you really...?" she trailed off, unable to finished.

Hitsugaya looked away in embarrassment. She knew now, and now he knew of her feelings, but it wasn't through a confession...or was it? He remember her pleas, saying she would give up on him if he chose someone else, how desperate she was for him to come back. She had confessed to him. She really had, and he only just noticed. He stood up from the bed, gathering the courage to step right in front of her and lean down close to her face. "...For a really long time now."

Hinamori was surprised, but only smiled sweetly. "S-Same here...I've always...loved you, Shiro-chan."

Their eyes didn't move from each other.

"Hinamori..." Hitsugaya said breathlessly.

She giggled hearing her name. She didn't know why but it made her so happy. She smiled sadly and said "Let's...work through this together, okay?"

He knew what she meant. This pain he had gone through for the past week would not be easily forgotten. However, he knew that with her by his side, the pain would subside, and he would learn to move on and live with her. Always, forever, together...But before that could happen, he had to say something. Something that had been bottled up inside his throat, for a long time.

"Hinamori, I...When I was near dying, I heard you. I heard your every word" –At this point he noticed how much her eyes widened –"I heard...your confession. It's the reason...I came back. You're the reason...I came back. There is...no other person I'd want to be with. No other gentle, kind, caring, compassionate girl I want o be with. There really isn't...so don't say those things...about giving up on me. You were never a burden; you are not pathetic, or worthless. You're...so important to me it frightens me. It frightens me so much that...I had nightmares of a world where you were gone...because of me.

And with that the white haired captain leaned in fully and kissed her. She was kissing back, which made his heart soar. Some many things were running through their minds, their heart thumped against their chests. Their hands entwined as they pulled away.

Always, forever, together...

* * *

_A FEW WEEKS LATER..._

"Matumoto. Paperwork. NOW!" Hitsugaya exclaimed at his lieutenant.

She merely blinked and brought the sake bottle to her lips, drinking for and more as she stared at her captain. She could see this was really making him really pissed off. Why was it so urgent she had to paperwork today?

"Why is it so urgent, taicho?" she said with suspicion.

He rolled his eyes and cringed. "Because you're supposed to do it, stupid!"

However, Rangiku knew already why it was so urgent. The sun was setting, and now doubt a certain lieutenant in the Seritei was waiting for her captain to come. Throwing the sake bottle aside, Rangiku sat herself down began to do the paperwork. "Fine, but say 'hi' to Hina-chan for me!"

Hitsugaya was about to leave, but paused.

"Matsumoto..."

She looked up from her first sheet.

He continued quietly "Than you for...saving me and Hinamori, that day in the rain, and...I'm sorry...about the way I treated you...last month. You were going through a tough time as well...and I apologise for yelling at you."Rangiku was surprised. He'd already done a formal apology to her, and he was doing another one. She smiled. Her captain was really strange, but that's the way she liked him. "No need to. We were both going through a rough time. I've put it behind me, so should you. And...I'm sure with Hinamori's help...you'll keep getting stronger."

Hitsugaya secretly smiled at this. He felt more comfortable to express his feelings now. Still, he kept the frown on whenever it wasn't Hinamori or Rangiku. "Yeah...I guess you're right...Thank you, Matsumoto."

He slide the door behind him.

She closed her eyes but still smiled. "You're welcome, taicho."

She completely finished the little amount of paperwork within half an hour. The sun was still setting, and she knew where she wanted to be. She flashed-stepped out of the tenth division barracks, to the Rukongai. Once she had reached her destination, Rangiku entered the small shack. The smell familiar smell filled her nose and made her smile wider. She crawled in and shut the door as far as she could behind her. A small beam of light highlight a wall.

"It been quite a while since I've come to visit you" she said.

She pulled herself closer to the wall. She sighed. "Well, actually, it's only been a week. Still...things have started to turn good. Taicho is getting better, his nightmares have stopped now that Hinamori is there for him. As for me...I don't know...I really don't know, Gin..."

She looked at his name she had carved into the wall of the shack. She'd carved the same night she had come running in her grief after Hitsugaya yelled at her. Rangiku's smiled dropped. Had she really gotten over the past? It still haunted her...

"Gin, I really...wish you were here, but...I think I can move on now." She smiled thoughtfully at his carved name. "It'll be hard, but isn't this what you want me to do? I really miss you. Your fox smile, your mysterious disappearances, and your love of persimmons...I loved it all, and I still do. But now...if you'll help me...I think I can move on, like everyone else has. You may have not ever left me a single memento, but maybe that's for the best, because if you had...I don't think I could move from that spot. I'd be stuck there, forever.

"Thank you for leaving me with the memories, Gin. Help me...to take the next step forward, and not backward. I'll...come visit you again soon...I love you, Gin."

And, for briefest moment, she felt something warm come over her shoulders, like a blanket. The image of that night when he promised to tell her everything flashed before her eyes. And again, for the briefest second, she saw something, through the small opening of the door. He was there, dressed in his captain's uniform, and smiling back at her, a genuine smile. He slowly turned away from her, walking away from the shack. She smiled back, a single tear escaping her eye.

"'_...I promise you everything, Ran-chan.'"_

_

* * *

_

' "_I'm glad to see that you're doing better, master"'_

Hitsugaya stopped, hearing his zanpukto speak. They hadn't talked for a long time. He sighed and mentally said to his ice dragon _' "I'm sorry I gave up on you,__ Hyourinmaru. I should have…remained stronger through that time.'"_

' "_It is not your fault.I understand now. Hinamori is a special girl, you and I have known that for a long time now. I forgive you."'_

Hitsugaya nodded. "Thank you…"

With that he continued on his way to the fifth division. Once he had reached the barracks, he flash-stepped up to the roof of the building. He saw the girl jump as he made his entrance, almost falling off the roof.

Once she quickly regained her balance, the girl playfully glared at the captain.

"Shiro-chan, you're late!" Hinamori said with a pout.

Hitsugaya smiled but rolled his eyes. "I had to get Matsumoto to do the paperwork. It's a hard task, believe me."

"I really shouldn't be giving you this for being late!" She pulled out from behind her back a large, already cut up watermelon.

The tenth division captain stared in awe. Without thinking, he snatched a piece and sat down, eating it hungrily.

The frowning lieutenant sat down, putting the watermelon between them and complained. "Hey, what did I just-"But before she could continue, an army of watermelon seeds attacked her She tried to defend herself but they kept coming. "Eh, Shiro-chan, please stop!"

"He stopped. "It's Hitsugaya-taicho." Muttered and bite into the watermelon Hinamori took a piece began to eat it. They stayed like that in a comfortable silence, the sun setting as they did. The sky was lit up many shades of gold orange and red.

Hinamori felt herself melting under those colours. She turned to Hitsugaya, who was hungrily munching on his, what seemed to be, tenth piece of watermelon. She grinned. It had been a long time since she had seen him this happy. He was looking much better now. His skin was no longer pale, the bags under his eyes had disappeared, and his eyes, even though they remained cold to other, were full of life again.

It had been a long time...since _she_ was this happy. And it was all...thanks to him.

She scooted closer, careful not to knock over the water melon. She slowly and gently leaned her head on his should and closed her eyes. The captain stopped eating his, surprised b her action. "Hina...mori?" He hadn't swallowed his watermelon so it sounded stand and funny.

She laughed, hearing him. "Swallow before you talk!"

He chuckled after he swallowed down the watermelon. He looked down at Hinamori, his smile breaking across his lips. She was looking a lot better. The bags under her eyes were gone, and she had no need to go to the fourth division anymore. She was happier. Much happier then she had ever been.

He turned his head leaned it on top of hers. "Do you think...we can keep going on?"

Hinamori's eyes opened a fraction at the question. What a strange question to ask, but after a moment of thinking she knew what he was saying. "As long as you're by my side, every step of the way, I think I can keep going...What about you?"

A cool wind passed through, tussling their hair in the direction opposite to the setting sun. His hand found hers. He spoke in a whisper. "The nightmares are gone...I think I can keep going too..."

"Even though, it was a hard process," the girl said, closing her eyes "We've come this far. I'm...so happy to be with you...Hitsugaya-kun."

He held her hand tighter and grinned, his eyes slowly closing. "I'm so happy...to be with you...Momo."

It was true. While it had taken them a long time to move on from the past, they had done it. They had moved on, together. Hand in hand. Their love remained strong, and always will. Their worries and troubles faded away into the cool wind and were melted by the colours of the sunset.

The nightmares that were once frozen in Hitsugaya's mind were now...

melted away...

Replaced by the dreams of the future with...

...the girl he loved.

Always, forever, together...

**The End**

**I'm not completely satisfied with the ending, maybe that because I wanted to keep continuing this story T_T Oh well... I hope you guys enjoyed it though! Sorry for all my spelling and grammar along the way ^^; Again, a reminder about the poll on my profile, votes would be awesome! :D**

**Reviews and comments are always greatly appreciated ^^**

**Thank you very much for reading :)**

**Keep writing!**

**-Warrayfinson**


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